Beware Of Harsh Outside Forces
Relationships are tough to maintain when the people share the same culture, religion and race. When they don’t, they’re even more difficult. But not impossible.
Danielle: “I met Frank when we were both 16. He lived one block away from the train tracks that sliced through the middle of town. He was black and I was white. I fell madly in love and my family came to love him, too. We dated all through the rest of high school. I pictured spending my whole life with him.
“Then we went off to college. Frank decided he wanted to be with a black woman and broke up with me. In fact, he rejected me completely and pretty much pretended we never had a relationship. I would see him at football games when we were both home from school and he would look right through me. I still contend he was the love of my life and race broke us up.”
Eloise: “48 years ago I was engaged to a guy outside my culture and religion and it was hell on earth. My dad was a Protestant minister and my fiance was a Roman Catholic. I was adopted and I was told, ‘We did not take you in to have you bring more Catholics into the world! Jack smells of garlic! He thinks more of hockey than of you!’ I finally broke up with him and I’ll soon be married 45 years to a WASP, so I guess it was all for the best.”
John: “In 1965 I was stationed in Saigon. I spent my off duty time doing volunteer work. I met a very beautiful and intelligent Vietnamese lady. Her parents allowed me to come to their home where Marie and I would talk and joke. Our outside dates were chaperoned by family members and were primarily to Sunday mass. Her parents considered my marriage proposal for several weeks and after conferring with their parish priest agreed, provided my father sent them a letter stating that he approved of our marriage. My father wrote a beautiful letter, pledging to take Marie in like a daughter. He did exactly that.
“This year will mark our 30th wedding anniversary. There have been some tough times but also many occasions of joy. Prejudice was never a major problem.
“We have 29-year-old twins, a 26-year-old daughter and sons 20 and 19. We are a mini-United Nations. My wife is Vietnamese, I am Polish-American, one daughter-in-law is Greek-American, another is English-Polish-German, our son-in-law to be is Scotch-English and part native American.
“After reading the problem of interracial children, I asked my 20-year-old how he felt about being Amerasian. He paused for a moment, and then with a grin replied he didn’t mind being half Polish.
“Our faith has been our primary strength throughout our marriage and especially in times of difficulty. The approval and support of our parents reinforced our marriage.
“We believe that family is the center for love, support and a haven from outside problems. In fact, this belief motivated us to return to Vietnam for a month six years after our marriage. The war was still on, but we wanted our children to meet their relatives. After the fall of Saigon, we worked for years to bring Marie’s family here. As they came to this country, we took them in and obtained jobs for them without government assistance. Today they’re productive citizens on their own and paying taxes.
“There is no doubt in my mind that I would make the same decision today I did 30 years ago when I asked Marie to marry me. It was the best decision I ever made.”
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