Cheap Seats

And when you’re done, stop by the yacht club

Officials for the Orange County Boat Show were looking for a boating expert to take part in the grand opening. So they invited Lakers forward Cedric Ceballos. They didn’t hear back from him.

Neither did L.A. the last time he went water skiing.

You must be so proud

After New York Times columnist George Vecsey wrote a feature on San Jose Clash goalkeeper Tom Liner, the keeper’s mother called the nearest out-of-town newsstand to save every copy she could find.

At least, so says Victor Chi of the San Jose Mercury News, who quotes Pat Liner as saying: “I asked the woman to see how many they had and if she could hold some for me, because my son was on the cover,” Pat said.

“But she already left the phone before I could say ‘of the sports section.’ When she came back, she said quietly, ‘Your son is the Unabomber?”’ We had no idea they played soccer in Montana.

You can always stuff it

Chicago Cubs reliever Turk Wendell didn’t want the ball from his first career save because it would just sit on a shelf and collect dust. “It’s not like a deer or nothing,” he said.

Since when does Nick Van Exel shoot snooker?

Ronnie O’Sullivan, the world’s thirdranked snooker player, could be thrown out of the game after assaulting an official during the world championships.

Press officer Mike Ganley ordered one of O’Sullivan’s friends out of the press area, restricted to media and players only. O’Sullivan took exception.

The 20-year-old O’Sullivan is running the behavioral table. He was recently so far ahead of Canadian Alain Robidoux that he decided to show off by playing left-handed.

Usually, he only watches for the commercials

Erik Bennett, the winning pitcher in Minnesota’s recent 24-11 romp over the Detroit Tigers, didn’t know he got the victory until he watched SportsCenter at his hotel.

Maybe he didn’t think a 24-11 game has a winning pitcher. And he’s right.

Hold the pickle, hold the nickname

CBA refugee Sam Mack averaged 20 points for the Houston Rockets over a six-game stretch late in the NBA season, leading the broadcast team to turn the phrase, “Big Mack Attack.”

No more. Management told Rockets announcers the phrase could no longer be used because:

A) McDonald’s is not a sponsor of the Rockets, and

B) The Rockets won’t promote a meat product since owner Les Alexander and his wife are vegetarians.

Of course, Mr. and Mrs. Les are content to profit from hamburger sales at The Summit. Nor have they offered to return the title the Rockets earned in the McDonald’s Championship in preseason.

The last word …

“It looks like he’s swinging a wet newspaper.”

- Cubs center fielder Brian McRae, on the batting stroke of pitcher Frank Castillo

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Drawing