Even Without Speaking, True Colors Can Be Shown

When my cousin, a police detective, and I get together socially with his partners, a subtle “you-are-not-one-of-us” distinction is applied against me and other non-cops, even though we’ve all been friends and family for years.

You may have experienced the same perception in a racial context. However unfortunate, it is rather common for an “us-and-them” awareness to be felt by blacks among white folks and, conversely, by whites among blacks.

But my difficulty with being a racial outsider comes at the personal level. When I’m alone with a black person whom I know, I sense that this person is holding back. He or she hasn’t heard me speak a slur or seen me display racist behavior, unless it’s those subtle racial cues all of us give off unconsciously.

Maybe the reason these people don’t give me their full confidence and trust is based on intuition. Do they suspect how often I don’t stand up against the lesser forms of racism - those that underpin the more flagrant forms? That sometimes I allow racist remarks and jokes to go on in my presence without pointedly condemning the speaker? That I have some friends and relations who occasionally blurt out the N-word? Who are vexed by interracial marriage? Or begrudge blacks for “taking over” professional basketball.

If they knew, I’d probably lose my few black “near” friends.

But if they did find out, my defense would be the same reasoning that soothes my conscience. Lecturing someone about their racial remark is as productive as a vegetarian delivering a harangue against eating meat, a speech answered with rolled eyes and “yeah, yeah, sure, OK.”

Even the most ardent racists don’t usually use the N-word in racially mixed company, but it pops up sometimes in a whites-only setting. I usually don’t debate the speaker but rather shake my head and mutter, “redneck, redneck, redneck.” It’s not a response to be proud of but it is easy and makes the point. If the speaker wants to push it, then the door is open.

But like speechifying, the counter slur falls short as an answer to a racist comment. If I can’t figure out a more productive way (walk away?) to express my disagreement and use it, then I probably don’t deserve a black person’s confidence or friendship.

He sure as hell wouldn’t get mine if we switched colors.

MEMO: Your Turn is a feature of the Wednesday and Saturday Opinion pages. To submit a Your Turn column for consideration, contact Rebecca Nappi at 459-5496 or Doug Floyd at 459-5466 or write Your Turn, The Spokesman-Review, P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210-1615.