Cheap Seats
The It’s-Hard-To-Be-Cynical-When Dept.
A teenager given little chance to live after a fiery train derailment is the new majority stockholder in a Minnesota minor league baseball team.
Chad Yale, 19, bought into the Southern Minny Stars with money he received in an out-of-court settlement with the Canadian Pacific Railroad. Yale was burned over 80 percent of his body when a train derailed near his home in Burlington, N.D., in 1994.
“The major reason Chad is involved was to save the team,” said Greg Olson, the former Atlanta Braves catcher and the Stars’ general manager. “Chad was gracious enough to do it.”
Olson met Yale in the hospital during Yale’s recovery, and the two became friends, and the teen became part-owner of the team last year.
Eenie-meanie, chili-beanie…
Mindful of the increasingly bizarre developments in the sports media, Los Angeles Daily News columnist Tom Hoffarth checked his crystal ball and compiled a Jean Dixonian look at what might happen in 1997. Some excerpts:
ABC/ESPN expands its clothing and merchandise line to include the Chris Berman “Extra-Wide World of Sports Blazer.” Dennis Rodman forms his own basketball league for MTV. Call it a cross between the NBA and WNBA (if you know what we mean).
NBC’s Marv Albert is named the president’s chairman of the anti-drug program. He relinquishes the post shortly thereafter in a public-relations disaster when his campaign slogan, “Just Say Yessssss!” is deemed inappropriate.
NBC secures the rights to every Summer Olympic Games through 2184, by which time Uranus is expected to be the host planet. The network announces it will continue to show those Games “plausibly live” because of the 16 light-year difference in time zones.
Sports Illustrated for Kids publishes its inaugural swimsuit issue. The Olsen twins are on the cover.
Roy Firestone appears as himself in at least six new movies, five of which go straight to video.
Todd Christensen restarts his broadcasting career on “American Gladiators” as a sideline reporter/ Gladiator known to the TV audience as “Aphoristic.”
Even Jesus wept
In case you think it’s just Americans who get overwrought about sports, check out this dispatch from England - reaction to the resignation of Kevin Keegan, manager of the Newcastle United soccer club.
“People just can’t take it in - it’s a devastating blow,” said John Regan, secretary of Newcastle’s independent supporter’s club. “People here are saying it’s like the Queen dying, but I think it’s worse.”
Victoria Rickaby, 16, wept openly at the news.
“I’m upset because football and Newcastle United are my life and this is just too much to bear,” she said. “He is God around here. He is even bigger than God.”
Bigger than the Queen and God, but still second to Princess Di’s sex life.
Baby needs a new pair of skates
Colorado Avalanche goalie Patrick Roy and his father are among the investors in an ocean-going casino to be based in Miami. The $50 million ship will make five voyages daily from Miami.
At last, a true floating crap game.
Salt Lake’s big fish
Karl Malone is branching out on the endorsement front. His latest endeavor: Official spokesman for Zebco, the fishing folks.
Malone is also an official spokesman for Caterpillar, Apex (shoes) and Burger King. Someday he plans to have his own TV fishing show, which Zebco is already talking about sponsoring.
The company that owns Zebco also owns Sea-Ray and Bayliner boats, Mercury motors and Brunswick - which, just coincidentally, is installing two bowling lanes in Malone’s new home.
“This kind of stuff is right up my alley,” Malone said with a straight face.
The last word …
“Don’t hit it to me.”
- Red Sox outfielder Jose Canseco, on how to improve Boston’s defense
, DataTimes