Cheap Seats

Golf rules

New Houston Astros manager Larry Dierker is encouraging his pitchers to play golf.

“The better pitchers are the better golfers,” Dierker said. “All the guys in the Atlanta rotation play to a one or two handicap. Pitching and golf both have a power game and finesse. You have to concentrate for 3 hours. You have to be able to put bad luck and bad breaks behind you.”

Golf bites

Tennis guru Bud Collins, speaking about golf in Inside Tennis: “Golf is something you play five years after you are dead. The ball sits there. It’s like a blackjack dealer, ‘Hit me, hit me, hit me.’ Golf is for old and infirm people - for people who are retired, who can spend 4 or 5 hours (walking around).”

So much for the Jeffrey Maier hooky card

Finally, the saga of baseball’s most famous interfering fan has revealed a pair of true heroes: His parents.

True, Richard and Jane Maier raised the little 12-year-old devil who skipped gym class and changed the outcome of Game 1 of the ALCS by turning a fly out into a Yankees home run. But they have declined offers to cash in on the incident, including one from Upper Deck to make a Jeffrey Maier baseball card.

“There’s not going to be a card, no,” said Richard Maier. “If Jeff makes it to the majors or minors and they want to do a card because he’s a ballplayer, that’s what we’d like them to do.”

The leeches at Upper Deck still haven’t given up hope - a spokesman insisting plans are merely “on hold” while the family is “cooling off.”

But the Maiers seem cool, period.

“Obviously you get caught up in the first initial moments of it, and that truly did happen,” Richard said.

“Good Morning America” brought the family back to New York to spend the night at the Plaza Hotel so Jeffrey could appear on the show. He also appeared that morning on “Live with Regis and Kathie Lee.” The New York Daily News took the Maiers to lunch at the All-Star Cafe and brought them by limo to Game 2.

Now his parents have decided enough is enough.

“We just want to basically be fans and go to the games,” said Richard.

Somewhere behind the first row, please.

Stayin’ alive

We reported previously that heavyweight Andrew Golota, disqualified twice for hitting Riddick Bowe below the belt, pleaded guilty in Poland to beating up a man in a disco. Jay Leno’s reaction:

“That’s really sad, isn’t it? Not that he beat up the guy. That Poland still has discos.”

Does the mule come with it?

After the late Charlie Finley left baseball, the former Oakland A’s owner retired to his farm in LaPorte, Ind. Now others might do the same.

The Franciscan Brothers are considering turning Finley’s 138-acre estate into a retirement community, offering hotel-style housing to those on fixed incomes.

The biggest problem with Finley’s farm is the price. It carries more than $1.4 million in debt, and will be sold at a Feb. 12 sheriff’s sale. Brother Francis said the order plans to spend about $4 million on the project.

Unless Bowie Kuhn voids the deal.

The last word …

“It isn’t about great shots. It’s about the quality of your bad shots.”

- Golfer Greg Norman, on pressure

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo