What A Perfectly Plastic Predicament
Dear US West:
You say you sent me a Gold MasterCard. Apparently, it was part of a marketing strategy that targeted customers in Arizona with card “offers,” that actually included the card. A call to the card company would then activate the account - something called a “negative-option” offer.
I didn’t get the card. I don’t want the card. I never activated anything.
What I got instead was a “Summary” of my account - a summary that actually showed you owed me 4 cents.
I called to cancel the card - the card I never wanted and never received. The telephone call to your Household Credit Services went something like this:
Service Agent: US West card services.
Me: I’d like to cancel a credit card.
Service Agent: Account number?
Me: 7624-9876-0086-4536.
Service Agent: Name.
Me: Mark Genrich.
Service Agent: I need your Social Security number …. for security purposes.
Me: 105-77-7772.
Sevice Agent: Birth date?
Me: 8-28-43.
Service agent: That doesn’t match what I am showing here.
Me: What can I tell you? It’s 8-28-43.
Service Agent: No, that’s not what I have here.
Me: What do you have there?
Service Agent: I can’t tell you … for security purposes.
Me: All right, my birth date is whatever you have written down there. How’s that?
Service Agent: Unless your birth date matches our records, I can’t cancel your card. What kind of a card do you have, anyway?
Me: I don’t have a card.
Service Agent: You lost it?
Me: No, I never got it. I don’t want it. I just want to cancel the account so I don’t continue to get these statements you keep sending me, the one that says you owe me 4 cents.
Service Agent: You don’t have a card?
Me: I never saw the card, I don’t have the card.
Service Agent: What’s the credit limit on your account?
Me: I don’t know what the credit limit is. I don’t care what the credit limit is. I just want to cancel the account.
Service Agent: Sir, I must have the amount of the credit limit.
Me: Is your supervisor around?
Service Agent: Hold on.
Supervisor: Can I help you?
Me: Look. I want to cancel my credit card, and …
Supervisor: Name?
Me: What? I just gave all that information to your agent.
Supervisor: I can’t help you unless you give me your name.
Me: Mark Genrich.
Supervisor: Account Number?
Me: 7624-9876-0086-4536.
Supervisor: I need your home address … for security purposes.
Me: I don’t think I am going to make it past the credit limit part. Why don’t you just give me your mailing address, and we can do this by mail. What is your address?
Supervisor: I don’t know the address.
Me: You don’t know where you are?
Supervisor: We have offices in three states, sir.
Me: But where are you right at this very moment?
Supervisor: I don’t know.
Me: You don’t know where you are?
Supervisor: Not offhand.
Dear US West, thanks to some help from some of your other more cerebral employees, I did manage to cancel my account. But I do think I am entitled to that 4 cents you owe me.
xxxx