Spicy Strips Blast Tastebuds

This week I reached out for a three-piece box of Spicy Buffalo Strips at Kentucky Fried Chicken. These are KFC’s neater, easier-to-eat version of Buffalo chicken wings no bones about it.

Here’s the blueprint: three strips of marinated white meat chicken, dredged in spicy Buffalo breading and plopped in the old deep fryer. Each strip is about 4 inches long and 2 inches wide. (Since they’re all curled up, I’m really only guessing; I do not carry a ruler in my glove box. Not that you’d find gloves in there, either.)

Total calories: 350. Fat grams: 19.

As usual, the colonel won’t divulge his mystery spices, but I detected a heavy dose of celery salt, plus something reddish, perhaps paprika.

Red is good. I can’t think of a red food I don’t like.

I’m not a psychologist, but I don’t think it’s healthy for Kentucky Fried Chicken to keep so many secrets. It’s been 50 years and it still won’t say what the 11 herbs and spices are in its fried chicken.

This company is like an emotional Mount St. Helens ready to blow its lid. Let it out, Colonel; unburden your soul.

Hold on, I just remembered beets are red. I hate beets.

Don’t confuse the new Spicy Buffalo Strips with KFC’s ordinary Crispy Strips, which have been on the menu for a couple of years. Those are simply boring, boneless versions of the regular chicken.

These Spicy Buffalo Strips have a powerful heat blast to ‘em. They’re zingy. You’ll have good reason to lick your fingers. You might even lick somebody else’s fingers. While you’re waiting in the drive-through, you’d be smart to crank up your air conditioner and gun the engine. Order two Cokes and tell them not to be chintzy with the ice. You’re going to need it.

The strips are crisp and crunchy on the outside, yet surprisingly moist and tender inside. The trick is to get the Buffalo Strips just when they emerge from the fryer. If you wait too long - and the strips have a company-mandated shelf life of one hour - the meat will dry out.

I have only one other complaint about KFC’s Spicy Buffalo Strips, but it’s really a compliment. Three strips ain’t going to do it. I can eat a couple dozen of these. It’s like going to Red Lobster and ordering shrimp. You never get enough shrimp.

KFC should offer six-packs and 12-packs of these Buffalo strips.

Or grow bigger chickens.

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