Cheap Seats

Looking good in Atlanta

Steve Hummer of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution writing on the surprising 14-2 Atlanta Falcons:

“Seems to be an increase in bird emblems around town. Used to be that you only put on Falcons gear to clean out the gutters or rebuild a transmission.

“Now, it’s just about formal wear.”

What a joke

In a burst of hyperbole, columnist Woody Paige of the Denver Post verbally saluted Terrell Davis and quarterback John Elway:

“Elway and Davis are to the Broncos what Ruth and Gehrig were to the Yankees, Magic and Kareem to the Lakers, Gretzky and Messier to the Oilers and Ike and Monty to the Allies.”

But Paige forgot one comparison, writes Mal Florence of the Los Angeles Times:

“Don’t leave out Laurel and Hardy to comedy, Woody.”

Stop your whining

The Phoenix Coyotes woke up in their Detroit hotel with no heat and no hot water. Russian-born defenseman Oleg Tverdovsky laughed off the complaints of his teammates:

“You guys should have been with me in Russia. Me and a friend were sent to the Sports Academy, and when we checked into the room, there were two windows but no glass in them.

“There was snow inside the room and on one of the beds. And we didn’t have hot water to shower with the whole year. No kidding.”

He’s been Lucky ever since

Los Angeles Kings standout Luc Robitaille on how he acquired the nickname “Lucky?”

“I scored a goal in my first NHL game, my first shift, my first shot. It was into an empty net after a nice play by Marcel Dionne. That’s why Tiger Williams called me ‘Lucky.’ He said, ‘You’re lucky. Your first shift, you scored. You come to practice in a Mercedes. You live in the biggest house on the team.’ I lived with Marcel. It was his Mercedes. I didn’t even have a car.”

Compound stupidity

Known as “Super Shay” for his entertaining and individualistic style, former NBA player Shaler Halimon today is a bus driver in Portland, where he played after being traded by the Bulls in 1971.

He’s been working for the transportation company for 17 years and figures he has 10 years until retirement. With his $1,400 a month NBA pension and good investments, he says, “I’ll be in good shape. Gosh, if I would have made $250,000 (today’s minimum salary) a year, I would have never had to work again.”

Halimon told Oregonian columnist Dwight Jaynes, “You know, the greatest thing man ever invented was compound interest. So many of these young basketball players never learned that. Most of them go to college, but I don’t think very many of them take finance classes. They never learn how to take care of their money.

“What do you do with all that money?” wondered Halimon, whose top salary was $60,000. “There’s only three things you need in the world - a home, food and a job. Most of those guys have four houses, seven cars, two or three girlfriends, a lot of clothes and about 16 people trailing along behind them. Have they ever heard of mutual funds or zero-coupon bonds?”

The last word …

“Hey, man, you ever play the game?”

- Redskins wide receiver Michael Westbrook in a conversation with Hall of Fame linebacker Sam Huff.