Cheap Seats
When flowers won’t do
Donald Trump is building a $40-million golf resort in West Palm Beach, Fla., next to a boutique called Condoms Galore.
“Maybe the golfers will stop by after they play to get a little something to bring home to their wives,” boutique owner Karol Schmicker told the Palm Beach Post.
We’ll leave the boutique’s golf-themed advertising campaigns up to your imagination.
Ballplayer logic 101
St. Louis shortstop Royce Clayton and his .230 batting average were given two days off last week, but Clayton doesn’t want it attributed to his 11-for-64 (.172) slump.
“People don’t understand that you can hit the ball, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to get hits,” Clayton explained.
“It looks bad on paper when you’re hitting .230. There are points where you’re red-hot, and that’s going to change, too.
“Without hot, there is no cold. That’s why they’ve got two of them.”
Print journalism logic 101
No sooner did the Vancouver Sun learn that Michael Jordan had rented a waterfront home in West Vancouver for July at a cost of $25,000 then the story took on a life of its own. Last Tuesday, the tabloid Vancouver Province devoted its front page to a picture of Michael and Juanita Jordan under the headline, “The Air up here!”
The tabloid went as far as to do a piece on local pick-up legends who would be available to offer Jordan a summer game… .
TV journalism logic 101
A reporter for Japan’s Fuji TV was told by a Cardinals official that it might not be possible to arrange a postgame interview with Mark McGwire.
“Then how about halftime?” she asked politely.
Auto racing logic 101
Formula One driver Jan Magnussen was having trouble with his car before a recent Grand Prix when he muttered, “Some people are hoping for rain, but I want a bloody earthquake.”
Image is everything
Morris Bradshaw, director of marketing for the Oakland Raiders: “I get really sick of turning on ‘America’s Most Wanted’ or ‘Cops’ and seeing someone wearing our stuff being busted.”
You mean that wasn’t part of the marketing strategy?
Playing it cool
Cleveland pitcher Dave Burba homered last Sunday in his 6-1 win over Cincinnati, the team that traded him on the eve of the season opener. It was the first home run by an Indians pitcher since Sept. 19, 1972, when former Spokane pitcher Steve Dunning took Detroit’s Mickey Lolich deep.
Asked how his former Reds teammates reacted as he rounded the bases, Burba said, “I don’t know. I was too busy screaming.”
The last word …
“Jerry’s fun. What else is there to do late at night?”
- Ken Griffey Jr., explaining his habit of watching “The Jerry Springer Show” at midnight after home games.