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Will it be gendarmes next?

Former NFL and Nebraska running back Lawrence Phillips will play football in Europe this fall. Said comedy writer Alan Ray:

“He leaves the U.S. with a big following the FBI, the Miami police, the St. Louis police, the Lincoln (Neb.) police. …”

Nuggets need a Van exorcist

Woody Paige of the Denver Post trashing former Los Angeles Laker Nick Van Exel:

“He is little more than a self-centered (or self-point guarded) enfant terrible. The Nuggets should excise Van Exel - sooner than possible.

“The draft-day acquisition of Nick the Reek was a faux pas waiting to occur, and it has.

There is no C in the middle of Exel, but, to him, there is an I in team.

“The Nuggets’ point guard is supposed to set up his mates, but Van Exel always has been a rogue, who, on a three-on-one fast break pulls up and shoots the 3-pointer.

“Which wouldn’t be so awful if `Mr. Elevator’ (he’s always going up with the ball) occasionally made a shot.”

Bringing coals to Newcastle

Jim Caple of ESPN.com says the New York Yankees’ acquisition of five-time Cy Young Award winner Roger Clemens “was about as necessary as Leonardo DiCaprio signing up for a computer dating service.”

Now a word from Roger himself Roger Clemens, asked about the disappointments of 1986, when his original team, the Boston Red Sox, was defeated in a memorable World Series by the New York Mets: “I don’t look back that far into the future.”

Who’s his agent, Marty McFly?

An art gallery for the unchallenged

According to an Associated Press study, 35 percent of NBA players have at least one tattoo, compared with about 4 percent for the general population.

So much money, so little skin.

Dose Bulls ain’t much any more

Scottie Pippen, now with Houston, apparently has cut all ties with the Chicago Bulls, according to an interview with Sam Smith of the Chicago Tribune: “I don’t watch them much. The Bulls? I think I’m looking at the Clippers. I find myself trying to watch their games, but I fall asleep. Honest.”

Will this make the Bears go down the tubes?

Tom FitzGerald in the San Francisco Chronicle: “Baylor’s top football recruit from last year has been suspended indefinitely from the team for `violating team policies.’ “In other words, running back Ben Gay has been rubbed out.”

The last word …

“If (coach Mike) Krzyzewski wanted to be a sport, he’d split his team in half and enter them both in the tournament.”

- Ron Rapoport of the Chicago Sun-Times, writing about the depth of NCAA Tournament favorite Duke