Cheap Seats

Basketball coach, motivator, inventor

In his motivational book, “The Winner Within,” Miami Heat coach Pat Riley says, “When faced with a fork in the road, I say: Hit the exhilarator!”

Said Johnette Howard of Newsday: “Whatever that is. I’m guessing it’s something they’re putting on the Mercedes.”

Nothing but the tooth

A Denver dentist bought a newspaper ad in which he offered Theo Fleury free dental work if Fleury leads the Avalanche to the Cup. Fleury appreciates the offer, but he’s content to leave his gap-toothed grin alone until he retires.

“The (missing) tooth has become a little bit of a trademark,” he said.

Although he can’t remember how many stitches he has had - he guessed 500 - he recalls the first time he lost teeth.

“I was playing in juniors, against Calgary, and it was a two-hander by Mark Tinordi (now of the Washington Capitals),” Fleury said. “The worst part was the 9-hour bus ride back to Calgary after that. The nerve was exposed in my tooth.”

Was gaining a power play worth losing three teeth?

“Oh, yeah,” he said. “We actually scored the winning goal on it. So it was well worth it. Actually, I scored the goal.”

Hitting the wall

Former Hollywood stuntman Stanton Barrett, discussing the difference between doing a stunt and driving a race car:

“I’ve hit the wall (racing) at Talladega and it’s not a lot of fun. But I have also tied a 100-foot chain to a motorcycle and took off as fast as I could, waiting for the chain to catch and send me flying across the asphalt with no padding or protection.

“The advantage Talladega has is no movie director walks over while you’re wiping the blood off your face and wondering if your teeth are all there saying, `Ah, we didn’t quite get that one. Let’s try it again.”’

Avoiding disaster

Diamondbacks TV analyst Bob Brenly’s heart jumped into his throat Friday night when he accidentally knocked a lava lamp being used in a “Disco Night” promotion off the ledge in front of him. It would have landed in the crowd if not for a wire screen that runs across the top of advertising signage just below the press level.

“I just happened to hit it with my hand. I thought, `Oh, no,”’ Brenly said. “I got lucky.”

Lucky? Heck, a lava lamp to the noggin may have knocked some sense into one of those disco fans.

Wrestling with an image

From Jay Leno: “Bad news for professional wrestling. TV Guide is reporting that a female wrestler named Chastity once appeared in a porno movie.

“I just hope this one incident doesn’t overshadow the family values message that professional wrestling has been sending all these years.”

Nah, Jesse Ventura already ruined that message by becoming a politician.

The last word …

“I might’ve had a buzzard in my stomach.”

- Allen Iverson, 76ers guard, when asked if he had butterflies in his first playoff game.