All Talk, All The Time
Keyshawn Johnson of the New York Jets is one of the NFL’s most skilled receivers. He is also one of the NFL’s premier talkers, and he has no doubt that his talking skills would translate successfully into a general talk format on television.
“They wouldn’t be able to afford me,” said the former USC player. “People would turn to my TV station and watch me. We would have the highest ratings. We wouldn’t be sitting there talking about no bunk.
“We would lay it down, me and my producers. We would tell it like it is, tell it like it’s supposed to be told.”
Now if Keyshawn can just figure out what “it” is.
We’ve always wondered
Peter Vecsey in the New York Post: “According to 76er stat freak Harvey Pollack, Allen Iverson is the smallest player ever to have led the league in tattoos.”
Who gives a hoot?
Steve Rushin of Sports Illustrated points out that Jose Canseco, Chipper Jones, Randy Moss, Dennis Rodman, David Wells, Alabama football coach Mike DuBose, former NBA guard Scott Skiles and ex-Philadelphia Phillies catcher Darren Daulton have all been linked romantically to waitresses at Hooters restaurants.
“In sports, a man never knows where Cupid might strike,” says Rushin. “It could happen at absolutely any of the nation’s 234 Hooters.”
Death wish
From the Gallery column of the San Diego Union-Tribune: “Melanie Maynes is the lively 5-foot-7 floor leader of New Mexico State’s women’s basketball team. But off the court, she sports a more comatose frame of mind.
“ `My goal in life is to run a mortuary,’ says Maynes.”
No snorters allowed
Like his former employer, ESPN, Fox’s Keith Olbermann is putting together a list of the century’s top athletes - with at least one big difference.
“No animals,” he says. “You must be voluntarily competing. When you show me a horse that puts himself in the starting gate, he is eligible.”
Crosby, Stills, Nash and no Young
Defensive tackle La’Roi Glover of the New Orleans Saints, on the San Francisco 49ers: “That team without Steve Young is like Earth, Wind and no Fire. It’s like Kool and no Gang.”
The last word …
“He’s the Dick Clark of hockey.”
- Detroit Red Wings winger Brendan Shanahan, talking about 39-year-old teammate Igo Larionov.