Average Joes invade Britain

SAN JOSE, Calif. — Irons off the tee. That huge, billowing slice. Utility-wood grounders from the fringe. No flop shots, no risks, no Tiger- or Phil-style miracles. Four simple pars in the four-hole playoff.

A style so bland that I wanted to sprinkle Tabasco sauce on my TV screen as he meandered through Royal Troon’s fairways.

Winning ugly? Todd Hamilton held off Ernie Els to win the British Open on Sunday by playing practical, plodding golf. Ugly!

I salute Hamilton for playing the tournament of his life, at 38, after spending years in the golf wilderness. I honor Hamilton for bouncing back from his wayward tee shot on No.18 to outplay Els in the playoff.

But the way he did it? It was a style any twice-a-month hacker knows too well and doesn’t want to see rewarded (I’m sorry) with a Claret Jug.

It was Accountant Golf: Ultra-safe, put it in the fairway, slap it to the front of the green, let the others screw up and hope the putter’s hot.

I watch and play golf for the unexpected, for the brilliant (not often visible in my rounds), for the daring. For Phil Mickelson, Els, Tiger Woods, Vijay Singh, Sergio Garcia or whomever else to do something I’ll remember.

Accountant Golf won a British Open. I don’t have to celebrate that, though.

Further rants and random thoughts on the sport of golf winning a date with Todd Hamilton:

Why are those great and ancient courses in Britain continuing to produce a run of quirky or diminished champions?

Only two of the previous 11 British Open winners, starting with Greg Norman’s last major victory at Royal St. George’s in 1993, went on to win another major. Nick Price followed his 1994 victory at Turnberry by winning the PGA Championship the same year.

Woods, of course, won at St. Andrews in 2000 and continued to do just fine for a while after that. But nobody else seems to be able to follow a British win with anything significant.

A few examples: Norman and 2001 winner David Duval were awesome talents who fell apart not long after grabbing the jug; Price, John Daly (1995), Tom Lehman (1996), Justin Leonard (1997 at Troon), Mark O’Meara (1998), Paul Lawrie (1999) and Ben Curtis (2003) probably will never win another.

Els, the best player in the world right now, won the Open at Muirfield two years ago. But that was his last major title, and he should have at least two more.

Els will be haunted by the 10-foot putt he missed on No.18 that could’ve won the championship, just as he’s haunted by his final-round 80 last month at the U.S Open and a handful of shots at the Masters that have prevented him from slipping on a green jacket or three.

Els hits the ball a mile and has the imagination to save himself when he errs — that “Christmas-tree four,” as ABC’s Nick Faldo called Els’ par out of a bush on No.11, was the save of the year.

But if Woods is getting heat for missing on his past nine major tries, Els should also be feeling pressure heading into the PGA Championship, slated for Aug. 12-15 at Whistling Straits in Wisconsin.

Els is 0 for 7 with a game that is currently superior to Woods’ in almost every facet except the ability to finish off a championship.

And if we go through another year without a Woods major — including at St. Andrews, a course perfectly suited to his “A” game — then we’ll just have to start calling him Eldrick again.