Coming out is a constant process
When I came out, about five years ago, it was an accident. I was in high school and living at home and had gone out for the evening. When I came home, I had a rather large surprise. I had left letters from my ex-girlfriend open on the computer, and my dad found them. To say the least, this was not how I wanted to come out to my family.
Since I was in high school and nervous about being out while still living at home, I pretty much put myself back in the proverbial closet until I moved to Eastern Washington. This experience was both positive and negative. Considering the stories of other gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons, I had it pretty easy coming out. My family and I are still very close, and I didn’t “lose” anyone in the process of coming out. But the difficulty of being closeted at home gave me a taste of what some had to go through in their lives.
Coming out can be a nerve-racking, emotional process – and what a process it is. A GLBT person is never really “done” coming out. We have to continually decide whether to come out at work or to new friends. Coming out is another subject that not all GLBT persons agree on. Some are out to everyone, attach rainbows wherever they can and are comfortable being out in public. Others choose a more subdued route. Some will not come out until they know whether that person is gay or gay-friendly, and maybe not even then. So, there is a wide spectrum of “outness.”
One opinion I have found to be cohesive is being gay isn’t the only thing you are. GLBT persons are human beings. We live life, we have jobs, hobbies, talents. Being gay isn’t the primary characteristic one typically introduces upfront. I, more often than not, come out via circumstance. For example, if someone is talking about marriage, I will talk about it in relation to wanting to marry my girlfriend someday. I don’t introduce myself by saying, “I’m Kat Olson, I’m a lesbian” (unless the circumstance really calls for such forwardness).
I believe that being out greatly improves a person’s quality of life. To be able to be honest with those around you about who you are, generally, makes you a happier, more sincere individual. To have to lie, or fake, anything isn’t healthy, especially if it’s your life. I understand that not everyone can come out. Being out isn’t a necessity of being gay. Some people may work for a religious organization or business in which they believe they are happier being there than out.
Believe me, life is better once you are more honest with yourself and those around you.
There are several organizations in the area that will happily help anyone through the coming out process, and honor his privacy. Check out Spokane’s new GLBTQA Web site, www.outspokane.com, for community resources and information.