These are 23 (more) facts, tried and true, about the widening world of sports television:
1. There’s the wheel and there’s the remote. Everything in between is window dressing.
2. I’m not sure Stephen A. Smith needs to be miked before he goes on-air.
3. I realize this is somewhat politically incorrect to say, but I’d watch a seven-on-seven Arena Football scrimmage from a 7-Eleven parking lot before I’d watch a WNBA game from my couch.
4. If I run out of Snyder’s Hard Pretzels, I can’t watch the WWE.
5. Take a good look at “SportsCenter” and – with the possible exception of Kenny Mayne – tell me we’re not talking steroids.
6. I can click between a baseball game and a “Seinfeld” rerun and, with a little luck, not miss a single pitch.
7. Believe it or not, in my fantasy broadcasting league, Trey Wingo is always a top 5 pick.
8. I don’t want to alarm anyone, but ESPN recently aired “BASS Madness: The 2006 Site Selection Special,” which unveiled the locations of the pro fishing circuit’s events next year.
(Quote of the Year I: Carolina Panthers defensive tackle Kris Jenkins on Warren Sapp: “I hate him. He talks too much, he doesn’t make any sense, he’s fat, he’s sloppy, he acts like he’s the best thing since sliced bread. He’s ugly, he stinks, his mouth stinks, his breath stinks, and basically his soul stinks, too. Not too many people have personalities like that and survive in life.”)
9. When I was a kid, everybody else went outside to play and I stayed inside watching television. Old habits die hard.
10. True Story: Twice in one week, I was grazing on cable, saw the words “Andy Katz Mock Draft” and dropped the clicker on my right foot.
11. Vin Scully still sounds so good, it’s like I died and went to heaven. But, actually, I’m in L.A.
12. If I had read a book every time I turned on the TV, couldn’t find anything to watch and settled on a Patrick Dempsey movie, they would’ve run out of books.
13. Every once in a while, I still get this incredible urge to watch “The George Michael Sports Machine.”
14. Donna Brothers does better interviews on horseback than Ahmad Rashad does on his tailbone.
15. If I knew Vince Cellini was going to end up on The Golf Channel, I would’ve been nicer to him.
16. I have this recurring nightmare in which poker telecasts start showing slow-motion replays of the flop.
(Quote of the Year II: As part of the investigation into Anna Ayala’s claim that she found a finger in her chili order at Wendy’s, San Jose, Calif., police spokesperson Gina Tepoorten said, “We want to know who this finger belongs to and how it ended up in a bowl of chili.”)
17. We’re all just sheep being led to the slaughterhouse. When I get there, I hope they have cable.
18. If Tim Green weren’t available, I can’t imagine who “A Current Affair” would’ve turned to next.
19. I hooked up my ham radio last week and caught the tail end of a Max Kellerman diatribe.
19a. There’s an “I, Max” sequel in the works: “I, Max; You, Jane.”
20. First rule of TV golf in the 21st century: If Tiger Woods is not on your leader board, make your leader board longer.
21. There is a Fox Sports Grill in Irvine, Calif., and an ESPN Zone in Anaheim, Calif. Man, that’s some good eatin’ in the neighborhood.
22. I turned on an IRL race the other day and realized there’s a good reason I’m currently between marriages.
23. Today ESPNU, tomorrow ESPNHS.
Ask The Slouch
Q. Sports agent Drew Rosenhaus saved a 3-year-old boy’s life by performing CPR at a Disney World pool. Afterward, did Rosenhaus suggest to the boy that he consider “holding out” from the family to get a better vacation deal next year? (Stu Tentoni; Delafield, Wis.)
A. No, but Rosenhaus gets 10 percent of the boy’s earnings for the rest of his life.
Q. I read that Dennis Rodman participated in the latest “Running of the Bulls” in Pamplona, Spain. Wouldn’t you love to see whether the Worm can still take a charge? (Matt Duensing; St. Thomas, Virgin Islands)
A. Actually, several of the bulls interviewed said they were attempting to run away from Rodman.
Q. Are you in favor of the bill in Congress expanding daylight savings time by a month? (Jim Robbins; Towson, Md.)
A. Why this obsession with more daylight? More daylight means less Nick At Nite. Give me Iceland in the winter anytime.
Q. By 2010, what is the spread on Larry Brown former teams vs. Norman Chad ex-wives? (Jonathan Evans; Houston)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
Local journalism is essential.
Give directly to The Spokesman-Review's Northwest Passages community forums series -- which helps to offset the costs of several reporter and editor positions at the newspaper -- by using the easy options below. Gifts processed in this system are not tax deductible, but are predominately used to help meet the local financial requirements needed to receive national matching-grant funds.
Subscribe to the sports newsletter
Get the day’s top sports headlines and breaking news delivered to your inbox by subscribing here.