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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

The law did not require they laugh

Dave Oliveria The Spokesman-Review

In a Kootenai County courtroom, a young mother is defending herself in a civil action springing from tardy rent payments, when Judge Barry Watson notices her 3-year-old son reclining quietly on a court bench. Watson: “Your son is well behaved.” Woman: “He’s sleeping.” Watson: “Is he going to apply for bailiff?” After the chuckles die down and the woman’s case is settled to everyone’s satisfaction, Watson addresses the woman as she leaves, directing her to the county human resource officer – (insert sound of knee slap here) so her son can apply for bailiff. None of the bailiffs makes a peep. Or smiles.

Oh, that law

First, you should recall that Kootenai County Prosecutor Bill Douglas has fought hard to prevent the release of courthouse e-mails between ex-juvenile court queen Marina Kalani and himself. Onward. In Judge Gene Marano’s courtroom recently, attorney Suzy Graham asked for a continuance in a criminal case because Prosecutor Douglas was at a law seminar in South Carolina. Responded Marano, knowingly: “Hopefully, he’s learning about privacy rights, too.”

All abo-o-o-ard

You’ve heard that about 30 protesters picketed as neighbors boarded the BNSF Railway train for that free ride to Sandpoint and back, claiming the passengers were being taken for a ride by a company that was polluting the region’s drinking water. But did you know some protesters hopped the train before it left town? Oh ye hypocrites … S-R Editor Steven A. Smith said he wouldn’t can a subordinate for giving him a tube of lipstick, Vaseline and a piece of her mind about her salary, as Deputy Public Defender Linda Payne did to county commissioners last week. But, he added, it wouldn’t be a good career move, either … Speaking of the Payne incident, Huckleberries is checking into the rumor that an annoyed taxpayer gave the Treasurer Tom Malzahn two jars of Vaseline.

A piece of his mind

In the “All Duane Hagadone All The Time” Dept., Huckleberries hears that The Old Man summoned Coeur d’Alene Mayor Sandi Bloem to his HQ and then lambasted her for hours for not supporting his downtown garden project. Her Sandiness, claimed Hagadone, cares more for her re-election chances than the future of downtown. She ended up in tears. She shoulda left … Berry Pickers report sighting The Duane personally pitching his new $120 million condo project on The Coeur d’Alene Resort golf course. The sold-out condos went for $3.8M to $4.5M a shot … Insiders tell Huckleberries that Hagadone’ll pull a profit between 30 percent and 35 percent and then pour it into his Blackwell Island marina do-over.

Poet’s corner

“The blitzkrieg is rolling/they have carried the day/they have turned Coeur d’Alene/into little L.A.” – The Bard of Sherman Avenue (“Realtors® Uber Alles”).

Huckleberries

“The fastest journey to understanding another person is not arrived at by driving as quick as you can, rather it’s reached by parking at a rest stop and rolling down your windows” – Bearable Bob/Random Shallow Thoughts … From Bonner County Sheriff’s log June 11: Deputy Dawgs Martinez and Bell were dispatched to 499 Shamar Drive in Blanchard and took a report of “an attempted homicide of a Pomeranian canine.” Wouldn’t that be a canicide? … During the weekend, S-R colleague Taryn Brodwater caught her son, Bailey, 3 1/2, picking his nose. Taryn to Bailey: “Don’t pick your nose.” Bailey: “I’m not.” Taryn: It looks like you’re picking your nose.” Bailey: “I’m not picking my nose. I’m looking for boogers.”

Parting shot

On a personal note, I will celebrate my 30th wedding anniversary Tuesday with my wife, Brenda, a woman who models godliness, unconditional love, and meant it when she promised to stay with me for better or worse. We’ve experienced each. I’d marry her again in a heartbeat.