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Injecting some humor

From wire reports The Spokesman-Review

Rafael Palmeiro, when he appeared before a panel to appeal his case, allegedly suggested that a vitamin B-12 shot teammate Miguel Tejada offered him might be the reason he tested positive for steroids in May.

Points out Mike Vaccaro of the New York Post: “It was allegedly Stanozolol that Palmeiro was nabbed for, a steroid that isn’t exactly found in Flintstone chewables.”

Wrote Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle: “Remember the good old days when big leaguers who needled one another were merely bench-jockeying?”

A whizz-bang idea

Responding to a Scottish Daily Record report that engineers in Switzerland have developed a urinal with sensors that warn a user he might need a prostate examination, Dan O’Neill of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch writes:

“Rumor has it Major League Baseball is working on developing similar technology for urinals in its clubhouses that would indicate a player should be tested for steroids.

“And in related news, the Major League Baseball Players Assn. has placed a large order for outdoor Porta Potties.”

Teed off

Former major league pitcher Marv Grissom died Monday after a long illness. He was 87.

Grissom was the Los Angeles Angels’ first pitching coach under manager Bill Rigney. Longtime Los Angeles Times baseball writer Ross Newhan remembered Grissom as having “a gruff, intimidating presence but also a quick sense of humor.”

“One of my favorite recollections occurred in 1961, during the Angels’ first spring training in Palm Springs,” said Newhan, now semi-retired. “Relief pitcher Ryne Duren decided to cap off a night of closing bars by chipping golf balls off his pitching coach’s motel windows at 3 a.m. Finally, Grissom opened the door and shouted, ‘Hey, Ryno, got sort of an early tee time, don’t you?’ ”

Set to stun

Arizona state police were in the right when they used stun guns to zap about two dozen fans who ran onto the field after last January’s Fiesta Bowl, according to an independent investigation released last week by the Glendale, Ariz., Police Department.

“Buoyed by the precedent,” wrote Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times, “Sun Devil football coaches plan to put lasers in this week’s game plan for USC.”

Finally, an answer

With 8 seconds left in UC Davis’ 20-17 upset of Stanford on Sept. 17, Davis radio commentator Doug Kelly said, “Mr. Michaels, I do believe in miracles.”

No first-hand experience

The Baltimore Ravens and Jamal Lewis are off to a poor start: 0-2. Cris Collinsworth, on HBO’s “Inside the NFL,” asked colleague Dan Marino: “How much has spending most of the off-season in prison affected Jamal Lewis?”

Said Marino: “I don’t know. I have never been to prison.”

Homemade gifts

That the 2008 Summer Olympics will be held in China prompted this from Los Angeles Times reader Joe Kevany: “It will be the first Olympics where all the souvenirs are made in the host country.”

No body of evidence

Jerry Greene of the Orlando Sentinel, after 75-year-old George Steinbrenner told ESPN he has the body of a 55-year-old: “So where’s he hiding it?”

The last word

Asked by ESPN the Magazine whether he had a favorite pitcher, St. Louis Cardinal right-hander Chris Carpenter replied, “Bud Light.”

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