Sobering experience

Liz Scott tells the tale of a Christmas party she attended earlier this month, where the first thing she noticed was a festive martini bar, complete with sparkling glassware, swizzle sticks and recipe cards for raspberry martinis.

Scott, a recovering alcoholic, does not drink, and her hostess knew it. But there was scant acknowledgment of this in the party setup. “I have some Diet Pepsi in there,” the woman told Scott, waving her into the kitchen to find her own paper cup and soda.

Nondrinking hosts can encounter similar moments of thoughtlessness. Pakistani-born physicians Shahnaz and Hamid Quraishi are Muslims who do not drink or serve alcohol in their Alexandria, Va., home. But they like to entertain, giving small dinners and several large parties for as many as 50 guests.

“People have brought bottles along with them and they ask if they can have a drink. That is so rude. We say, ‘No, you can’t,’ says Shahnaz Quraishi. “Some people think we’re being cheap” for not serving liquor, she says, “but you have to respect people’s beliefs.”

Alcohol flows freely during the holidays, which can be a complicated time of year for those who do not drink, for whatever reason. Gatherings as laid-back as neighborhood potlucks or as formal as seated black-tie dinners are fueled by copious quantities of beer, wine and hard liquor. Mojitos, Cosmopolitans and other glam drinks have acquired a “Sex and the City” cachet in recent years. At Christmas, pour on the spiked eggnog, and for New Year’s, break out the bubbly.

At the White House, President Bush, who famously quit drinking 20 years ago, just hosted 11,520 guests at 24 holiday parties in 20 days, sipping only water and an occasional Diet Coke.

And yet, 36 percent of the U.S. drinking-age population abstains from alcohol, according to a 2006 Gallup poll. Over the past 60 years, the percentage of teetotalers has ranged from 29 to 45, according to Gallup.

The reasons for abstinence vary: alcoholism, religious beliefs, pregnancy and other medical conditions, drug interactions. Alcohol is also expensive – and fattening. There are 140 calories in a 12-ounce beer, 95 calories in four ounces of red wine. As for eggnog, there are 125 calories in 1.5 ounces of rum – plus 340 calories for everything else in a cup of this holiday splurge. Drinking and driving keeps many people from imbibing when they socialize. And some people simply don’t like the taste.

Scott, a freelance chef in Plainfield, N.J., has been living alcohol-free for eight years. Three years ago she published her first book, “The Sober Kitchen” (The Harvard Common Press, $19.95.). It has become a reference for many in recovery and at treatment centers, including Hazelden’s facilities around the country. Her second book, “Sober Celebrations: Lively Entertaining Without the Spirits” will be published in March by Cleveland Clinic Press ($24.95).

Scott says she wrote the follow-up because “there was nothing to advise the hostess about how to accommodate people who don’t drink, just as they do people who don’t use salt or eat meat.”

The latest book contains her recipe for a memorable party: “Good company, great food and a warm, winning atmosphere. … The truth is the availability of alcoholic beverages at social events means very little to the majority of people. Surprised? So was I.”

In today’s society, there is less stigma in talking about the dependence on alcohol and drugs. Fortunately, tolerance for nondrinkers has risen, says Joseph A. Califano Jr., former secretary of the Department of Health, Education and Welfare under President Carter and now chairman of the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University.

“As we brought the whole issue of alcoholism and alcohol abuse out into the open, it’s much easier for people to say, ‘No, I don’t want to drink,’ than it was 10 or 15 years ago,” notes Califano, a moderate drinker. In the past, “there was plenty of pressure, people saying, ‘Come on, it’s Christmas, it’s New Year’s Eve.’ “

Bill Homan, a co-owner of Arlington, Va.-based Design Cuisine, says his firm caters plenty of “dry” parties. Recipes also reflect the new reality. “At large gala events, we try and stay away from using any alcohol in cooking because of certain people’s religious beliefs and because of people who are fighting alcoholism.” Homan offers alternative versions of specialty alcoholic drinks. Along with this season’s “Snoflake Martini” he features a “Pure as the Driven Snoflake Martini” made with white cranberry juice and a splash of Gatorade Glacier Freeze (to make it light blue like the high-test vodka version laced with ice blue Hpnotiq liqueur). Both are rimmed with shredded coconut.

Lobbyist Dave Stirpe of Washington hasn’t had alcohol since his kidney transplant in 2000, “but nothing has changed for my guests. I serve up wine at dinner and put something else in my glass: water, Diet Coke, or plain cranberry juice when other people have vodka with theirs.”

Engineer Lissa Murphy of Oakton, Va., is a nondrinking Christian Scientist whose lawyer husband, Michael, does drink – “which is why we sometimes serve alcohol. At parties, I usually have two coolers: one for beer and one for soda and juice boxes.” Small gatherings tend to be alcohol-free, and often Murphy’s non-Christian Scientist guests abstain because “people are so aware of drinking and driving.”

Recovering alcoholic Hampton Shaddock, a public relations consultant in Washington, does not serve alcohol at home. If friends who drink bring it over, “it’s not a problem. It’s not a religious thing. Most people who do get into recovery, in the beginning they just can’t be around it. I’ve got 20 years clean. I go to lunch with a friend, who will drink a glass of wine. When she comes over to my house to eat, she doesn’t ask for a drink.”

Shaddock sees no reason to warn first-time visitors because “if I make it a big deal, it becomes a big deal. If you don’t, it’s not. Someone will ask, ‘Do you have any beer?’ and I say, ‘No.’ ”

Leonard Bade is vice president of alumni services at the Betty Ford Center, an alcohol and drug treatment facility in Rancho Mirage, Calif. He says alcohol-free functions should be about fellowship and having a good time. If nondrinkers attend parties where alcohol is being served, hosts should give them the courtesy of offering a variety of nonalcoholic drinks. Hosts should also “not make a big deal about it” so guests won’t feel self-conscious.

On New Year’s Eve, if glasses are being raised for a toast, Bade, a nondrinker, says he lifts a glass of water in celebration: “Remember that the ritual is about the toast, not the alcohol.”