The name game

What’s in a name has always been a big deal to me. I don’t know why, but I am fascinated by names. In the course of my work as a veterinarian, I used to see a lot of pet names. You can tell things about an owner, and sometimes about a pet, by their names.

I have, of course, met prissy dogs called Precious and Cuddles. I have met tough-guy dogs called Brutus and Spike. I knew all too well a monstrous cat called Monster. There have been little dogs with big names such as Moose, the Chihuahua, and big dogs with little names such as Tiny, the Great Dane.

I have known a German shepherd named Panzer, a Rottweiler named Messerschmitt, a pair of pit bulls named Smith and Wesson, and a dachshund named Mikhail Gorbadog. I met a little bird named Cat Food and a cat named Toe Jam.

Some names can’t be printed. These owners don’t think about the fact that someday they’ll need to call to make an appointment for their pet. You can hear the chagrin in their voices.

I have seen dogs aptly titled, such as the border collies: Trouble, Chaos, Rukus, Static, Logic, and the very elegant Bentley. There was a three-legged dog christened Tri-Pawed, and a Jack Russell terrier referred to as Hurricane. A cat with lots of extra toes is called Velcro, and another is unfortunately but appropriately named Ugly.

Another appropriate name was Puddles for a weak-bladdered cocker spaniel, and Puddles for a duck. A solid green monk parrot I know is called Pickles because the owner thought the name descriptive. There’s a cockatiel that has learned to say its name, Precious Bugger.

Male cats are often Tom or Tommy or Tuffy, but one was Ultimate. The cat Toker and the dog Whiskey make one wonder about their owners’ vices. The cat, Wart, however, must have offended his owner at some time in his past.

Some pets just can’t live up to their owners’ expectations. There is the cowardly mastiff, Zeus, and the prim and proper Samoyed, Xena. There was the most dangerous Pomeranian ever, Sweetie, and the sweetest Pomeranian ever, Bear. But every Yogi I have ever met, including a current golden retriever by that name, has been a good-natured clown.

There are names that just fit: Bojangles the Great Dane, Gretta the German shepherd, Coco Chanel the French bulldog, and Wolfgang the basset hound.

There are plenty of red Rustys, black Blackys, and white Whiteys, but only one solid white cat called Spot. In fact, one man I know has two cats named Blacky, I and II, and another has two cats named Lucky – Lucky and Lucky Too.

Some owners’ own names would be good pet names, and more than once I’ve embarrassed myself by saying something such as “Well, how is Trixie today?” – only to realize that the dog is named Abby and the owner is Trixie.

Some names are just too good to lose. I am acquainted with several people who name each replacement pet the same as the one before. It sure cuts down on confusion. My mom and dad got a new puppy recently and they often go through all three of the previous dogs’ names before they get to Teddy. I’ve lost count of how many orange cats all known as Chester have passed through one family’s barn.

AnnaMaria is my blue and yellow macaw. She is the typical pirate parrot as seen in the movie “Pirates of the Caribbean.” AnnaMaria was the name of a woman pirate in that movie, and it appealed to me for my bird. I did some research and found that there were not many female pirates, but there were two that stood out: Anne Bonny and Mary Read, both real-life pirates circa 1720. Thus AnnaMaria – and it suits her.

My dog, Corey, is mostly black, and ravens are one of my favorite birds. I didn’t want to call him raven, though, so I went looking for a name that means raven and is cute. He’s cute – or some would say handsome. I found “Corey,” which is Celtic for raven.

There are problems with his title, however. One is that a friend’s wife is named Cory, which sounds a lot like Corey. One evening I yelled “Corey, get over here!” which startled her badly. And one of my employees, Laurie, chooses to ignore me because she claims that she thinks I’m calling Corey, who always accompanies me to work.

Names are important. They convey characteristics and attitude, express respect, or are just plain fun. Some are serious, others beg to morph into a clever nickname. What’s in a name? With kids we usually have to be pretty careful – name-induced stigmas can be devastating. But with our pets, it’s whatever you want to put there. They don’t care, as long as it’s said lovingly.