Women admit eyes on hunks

So, the United States is out of the World Cup. Boohoo. Now, let’s go to espn.com and find pictures of David Beckham whipping off his shirt.

All week, many American women have been playing wink-wink with the World Cup, coyly pretending to be caught up in the global celebration of international sport. Sure, Honey, you can watch the game. Let me sit next to you and we’ll watch together. Let me hold your beer. Let me rub your feet.

All along, this passion has been about something else entirely: watching the international festival of six-packs and reveling in soccer-player lust.

The Americans were just a distraction. It’s as if the gods of the universe rounded up all the pretty men on the planet, plunked them in Germany and put them in shorts. Why don’t we live in Ghana? Croatia? Serbia and Montenegro? And oh, Lordy, have you seen the Italians?

All these brawny boys on the screen, chiseled and muscled and universally bronzed – it’s like the Mr. Universe pageant, with sweat and no words. What more can you ask for from your TV?

There’s even all that heated shirt removal, which seems to be what footballers do to cool off instead of pouring water over their heads. For this alone, soccer is the best sport of all time. Just try to find a photo of Argentina’s Javier Saviola where he’s not running about, indulging his habit of yanking up his shirt every time he gets mad-happy-overheated, and in turn giving the world a glimpse of some serious abdominal achievement. At a bridal shower in between bites of dainty white-frosted cupcakes, Beth Scheall of Chandler, Ariz., and a gaggle of girls skipped the dress chatter and got down to the nitty-gritties: discussing the varied loveliness of the Mexican and Italian soccer teams.

“The physique and athletic build was just amazing to us,” says Scheall, 25. “I don’t think I’ve ever met a soccer player that wasn’t hot – outside of my brother. They just have the best bodies.”

And did you catch the replays of Mexican President Vicente Fox doing a very weird dance to celebrate goals, with his wife, Marta Sahagun, looking ever so chipper by his side?

In soccer, there is nothing to impede the view. No football helmets or baseball caps. No shoulder pads. No hockey masks.

Tell us again why this sport isn’t more popular in the United States, because women of the world are onto this and have done excellent work virtually scrapbooking soccer beauty.

If Italian goalkeeper Gianluigi Buffon is your fave, you can go to buffononline.com and download screen savers, or click into the chat room to bond with other soccer lovahs, who’ll go dig up and post pics of “new hottie” Luis Garcia, if you ask.

At www.alliwantisronaldo.com, learn that Brazil’s Ronaldo has a preferred method for gearing up for a big game: a lovey-dovey bedroom session with his wife. That, ladies and gentlemen, is what’s called “rubbing it in.”

Get a little Googly with Italy’s Francesco Totti, and you can discover he “likes girls with dark hair and dark skin,” and that “when he is with his girl, he forgets all the problems, difficulties and controversies of everything. He comes back to (being) a normal boy.” Oh, Francesco, how we’d love to help.

God bless the constantly updated photos on espn.com.