Seek elder care for gramps soon

Dear Annie: My 91-year-old grandfather wants to live in the nursing home where my sister works. He was in the home briefly once before and liked it very much. Grandpa has Parkinson’s and needs regular care. The problem is, my aunt doesn’t think Grandpa can afford to live in the nursing home.

When “Aunt May” took Grandpa out of the home last time, my brother told her he could no longer be responsible for Grandpa during the late night hours (he’s been doing it for five years) and that Aunt May would have to take that shift.

The first few nights were not too bad, but then Grandpa began to call at all hours, so Aunt May unplugged her phone. When he couldn’t reach her, Grandpa pushed his Lifeline button. The sheriff arrived at 4 a.m., and Grandpa told him he was fine, he just needed a glass of water that he couldn’t reach and was worried that his daughter was not answering her phone. The sheriff headed over to Aunt May’s house and told her not to unplug her phone again.

Aunt May’s solution was to move Grandpa’s phone out of his reach and take away his Lifeline button. A few weeks ago, the home health provider rushed over to my brother’s house because Grandpa had fallen. Since he could reach neither the phone nor the Lifeline button, he lay on the floor for nearly five hours.

I hate the way Aunt May is treating Grandpa, but she has control over his money and is determined to keep him at home. I don’t understand why. Whose money is she trying to save? – Worried Granddaughter

Dear Granddaughter: She may be trying to save her inheritance. Or she may truly believe that Grandpa is better off at home, which might be true if he had adequate, round-the-clock care.

Preventing Grandpa from calling for assistance is a form of elder abuse. Does Aunt May have siblings or friends who have influence over her and whom you can enlist to help? You also can call the Eldercare Locator in your area (eldercare.gov) at (800) 677-1116 and find out what resources are available for Grandpa. Don’t wait.

Dear Annie: Today I had a tooth repaired by my dentist. The procedure was somewhat painful, although he prepped me well enough with painkillers. As I sat there thinking, “Why does this have to hurt so much?” I realized if I had taken better care of my teeth, I wouldn’t be in this situation. It’s not the dentist’s fault that my teeth are bad; it’s mine. I vowed right then to practice good oral hygiene. I have paid out thousands of dollars on my teeth when proper dental care would have done the trick. – Feel Better Now

Dear Feel Better: We hope so, too, but for some people, the phobias are greater than the rewards. Thanks for trying to alert them.