Annie’s Mailbox: Understand that Mom is lonely

Dear Annie: My in-laws divorced two years ago, and my mother-in-law moved into an apartment. At the time, my mother-in-law was very hurt when her daughter, “Aida,” (my husband’s sister) decided to stay with her father in their old house.

My mother-in-law has been dating on and off for most of this time, seeing one man and then jumping to another. She’s dated at least 10 men since the divorce. At Thanksgiving, we met two men she works with, and she was dating both of them. Yesterday, she called to say one of them is moving in with her, along with his two children.

I’m concerned Mom is doing this only because she’s lonely. She barely knows this guy, but says she’s “in love.” They both work at a resort that closes during the winter, so they are currently unemployed.

Mom’s relationship with Aida is already strained due to things she said and did before she left. I imagine her new living arrangements will further estrange them. Also, my husband and I have decided we would rather not have her boyfriend and his children involved in the lives of our two young sons until we are sure the relationship will last. We have asked Grandma to see the boys without him.

Are we wrong to limit contact with the boyfriend? How do we talk to Mom about slowing down before she gets hurt? – Concerned Daughter-in-Law in Massachusetts

Dear Concerned: There’s only so much you can do in this situation. Yes, you can limit contact with the boyfriend. That is your decision as a parent. However, Mom is lonesome and you cannot force her to use common sense, so we hope you will stay close enough to be a source of support if, and when, she needs you. We hope she settles down soon.

Dear Annie: I work in a small hotel and one of my co-workers has recently developed a really horrible case of body odor. He didn’t always smell this bad. It’s a relatively new thing, so I think it’s just poor hygiene.

I approached the supervisor about discussing the problem with the co-worker, but he said I should do it. There is no HR department. What can I do? – Smell You Later

Dear Smell You Later: The supervisor should deal with this, but apparently, he isn’t going to. When someone suddenly develops body odor, it could be due to illness, a reaction to a new detergent or even the onset of dementia. You would be doing this person a kindness to take him aside and say, “I’m sure you don’t realize you’ve recently developed a rather strong scent. You might want to see your doctor.”