Feeling pressed

Dear Carolyn: My husband and I have been married 12 years and have no kids. Prior to getting married, my husband was aware that I did not want kids, and he expressed the same sentiment. Throughout our marriage, we have had the conversation and agreed we do not want kids. That has not changed. We don’t want kids.

My husband has three nephews and one niece. My husband tries to attend all the nephews’ games. I have no interest in spending my weekends or weeknights attending children’s soccer matches, tennis matches or basketball games. If I did, I would have had kids.

My husband gets upset when I refuse to go. He thinks it looks bad and he has to constantly make excuses.

His niece is a few months old. Whenever I’m around her, her mother places her in my hands and then disappears. I get stuck holding the baby for long periods of time. I don’t mind a few minutes, but I don’t want to spend my whole visit holding the child or feeding her.

I know I sound horrible, and I probably am. But, should I just suck it up? Should I attend all the games, and hold the baby with no complaint? Is there a good compromise?

- Anonymous

Your down times aren’t just his, they’re yours, too. His family, though, has no ownership stake.

That’s the gist of it regardless of the nature of the events he’s trying to foist on you.

But – kids’ sports? Really?

You’re not horrible. Your husband doesn’t sound horrible either, so please phrase it kindly when you tell him I said he is completely deranged.

I love watching my kids play. I go to lengths to get to their games that some might call contortionist. And my kids love it when their aunties come watch. But the idea that (BEG ITAL)any(END ITAL) adult is tethered to a youth schedule is an idea not bred to survive in the wild.

Compromise is a fine impulse but the kowtowing has me concerned, and may warrant deeper attention for you both.