Miss Manners: Dancer wants more space in class

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I love to dance and take classes three times a week. We learn new dances and also repeat old ones. There is a woman in one class who just stands still and gets in the way when we move around; it is impossible to keep up when someone keeps blocking one’s way.

It was so bad during the last class that I had to keep stopping to avoid running into her, which was very annoying, so I moved to the other side of the room. To my chagrin, she followed me to the other side of the room and continued to block my way!

When I complained to another dancer afterward, he told me that this woman can only see shadows, and that she was staying close to me to try and follow what I was doing.

Going blind must be awful, and I think it is great that she’s attending a dance class in spite of this challenge, but there are lots of other dancers to try and follow besides me. I don’t want her to keep following me around, since she obviously cannot see what I’m doing, or she wouldn’t keep blocking me. Is there a kind and tactful way to handle this, short of dropping out?

GENTLE READER: One choice would be for you to inform the leader of the class, and to request that arrangements be made to instruct this student in dancing without your having to participate.

Another choice would be to feel flattered at this lady’s admiration of you, and to use part of your time to guide her in dance steps more directly, thus learning something in addition.

Miss Manners probably needn’t tell you which she would prefer.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been giving consumable gifts for Christmas and birthdays in the past few years, partly because people always complain about having too much stuff around, and partly because that way I can provide something enjoyable on a student’s budget. I have given food, bath things and tickets, depending on the tastes of the “give-ee.”

The problem is that I have no way of knowing if the gift was enjoyed or if I should go in a different direction the next time. My friends and family tell me that they enjoy the gifts and thank me for them, but they are polite enough to do that even if I gave them something dreadful.

I know that I should not ask if people liked gifts after I have given them, but I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable, and I can let it go if need be.

GENTLE READER: The charming custom of exchanging presents – as opposed to the decidedly uncharming ones of exchanging shopping lists or payments – has to involve informed guessing. You note people’s tastes, as you say, and hope that they will be pleased (and express gratitude either way).

Miss Manners agrees that you are not going to get critical feedback from polite people. But you have another year to observe what they serve at home or order at restaurants, and what shows they see – if not their bathing habits.