Dear Annie: Controlled by parents

Dear Annie: As long as I can remember, my parents have controlled the majority of my actions. They’ve told me which classes to take, which subjects to pursue, which extracurriculars to participate in, which colleges to apply to. Over the years, when I’ve tried to speak up, they’ve shut me down. Throughout my childhood, he was quick to yell and berate my sister and me when we didn’t meet his high expectations.

As you’d imagine, this has adversely affected my adult relationships. Even after moving out, even after finishing college, even with my own self-sustaining income, I still feel under their control. I know it’s my life and I need to do what’s best for me, but mentally, I feel entirely subservient, and I hate it. For instance, my parents are insistent that I will be going back to school (to get a master’s), even though I’ve expressed that I’m not sure I want to go. They insist that I’m giving up on my dream, but it’s not my dream; it’s theirs.

I’ve told them what I want to be doing with my life, but they won’t listen. I feel trapped. I can’t keep living like this. – Parental Pawn

Dear Parental Pawn: If you need my affirmation, you have it in spades. You should not go to grad school if you don’t want to. You’re doing the right thing by taking ownership of your decisions. This is your life, and you seem to have a pretty good idea of how you want to live it. I don’t think you need my affirmation at all.

I can tell you all this, and you can tell yourself the same things. But to feel that they’re true is a different story. To reach that point, it might require the aid of counseling. I encourage you to ask your medical provider whether he or she could recommend any such counselor. Make an appointment today – and don’t feel obligated to tell your parents.