Dear Annie 12/29

Dear Annie: My son has been dating a girl for a little over three years. My husband and I really like her. Our son loves her. Here’s the problem: I have asked her before to help in the kitchen with meal preparation and cleanup, and she refuses.

They come once a week for meals, and we eat in front of the TV while watching shows. Everyone brings their dishes to the kitchen, but I’m left with the cleanup. Once, when I asked her for help, she said that she is company and wouldn’t expect me to help at her house. At Thanksgiving, my mom asked her to join us at the table and visit, but she declined, saying she was OK where she was. My mom was hurt and upset.

I’m planning a big Christmas dinner and want the girls to help with cleanup and to sit and visit after the meal. How can I get her to get involved in the kitchen work, both before and after, and to put her phone away and sit and visit with us? – Disappointed

Dear Disappointed: Staring at your phone and texting while at your potential in-laws’ house is rude. The polite thing to do is ask the host if he or she needs help, but it is also polite for the host not to expect the guests to do all the work. Have a talk with your son and ask him to help you out in the kitchen. Maybe his girlfriend will catch on and want to jump in. Her behavior toward your mother was also rude, so address this with your son, too. Perhaps there is a reason he hasn’t married her yet.

Dear Annie: Your request to hear from readers on how we will “distance celebrate” the upcoming holidays caught my attention. We have been a military family for the past 25 years, so live family gatherings have been rare and intensely cherished.

I’ve been a prolific letter writer, including notes and cards, all my life. There is truly something to be said about a thoughtful, handwritten letter. I plan on doing that very thing during the pandemic, and I’ll be sending notes to my sons, their families and grandkids.

In addition to heartfelt words, spend a little time sorting through your photos. Print some out, and slip a few hard copy photos into the envelope. These tangible reminders of fun days from the past will bring instant joy and laughter, fond memories and lifted spirits. It works every time.

May you have a blessed and safe holiday season. – Still Love a Handwritten Note

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.