Dear Annie: Celebrate the small victories

Dear Annie: My biggest accomplishment in life is my recovery. I’m currently seven years sober, and I have worked very hard to clear my history of self-destruction and rebuild my life into what it is today. I continue to attend recovery meetings and guide other women through the recovery process. But I am in a maddening loop thinking of what to do with my life.

I came to this area to attend rehab and had no intention to stay, yet here I am eight years later. I have reached and sustained stability in my life, but my heart longs for more. I am afraid I will never take the leap to make a change and, ultimately, get lost in regret of what could have been.

I’ve consulted therapists, my sponsor, my family, my friends, my co-workers, and I believe they are sick of hearing about it. Before I got sober, I was a risk taker in good and bad ways. I was bold and brave and moved on my own multiple times. It’s as though I have lost the ability to create my own future. I continue to live a mediocre-feeling life, and I fear I will never change. I just don’t know what to do, and I was compelled to ask you. How do I change? – Stuck in a Loop

Dear Stuck in a Loop: There is nothing mediocre about a life lived seven years sober. That is something to be celebrated. And helping other women get sober while staying sober yourself is heroic. While a therapist and friends are an essential part of recovery, the person you need to consult is yourself. Cut yourself some slack, and be kind to yourself. Be grateful for all the wonderful things that have been made possible by your sobriety. Turn off that critical voice in your head that is telling you they don’t count, or they don’t mean much, or if you were really strong, you would move to a strange environment. Nonsense.

Wherever you go, there you are. Thus, it doesn’t matter if you move to another town or wait for this great big moment when life will not be mediocre anymore. It’s about finding joy and pleasure in the small victories of each day.

If there are things you want to try but are afraid to, try them anyway. Fear is “false evidence appearing real.”