Miss Manners 9/3

Miss Manners: I have a friend who, each time I bring to their attention that they have upset or offended me, responds by rolling their eyes and saying that I am impossible.

Typically, I will state, “I feel that I am the only one in our friendship making an effort to hang out” or “I feel that I wasn’t supported even after you offered to support me.” This is always met with redirection back to me – that I am hot-and-cold and a laundry list of other things.

What advice do you have for dealing with friends/family/people who simply cannot receive constructive criticism?

Gentle reader: How often are you giving it to them?

It is not that Miss Manners doubts you, but she does often hear from people who are being constantly nitpicked.

However. Presuming that you are justified and your friend is thoughtlessly ignoring you,, you may politely declare the friendship to be on hold.

For lack of sufficient reciprocity, you may say, “You seemed so busy of late that I didn’t want to bother you.” This also applies for lack of support when they wonder why you no longer seek their counsel.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I finally, hesitantly, ventured out for a medical appointment. I was kept waiting a long time, and no one else was there, so I asked the receptionist if I had my appointment time correct.

The medical assistant showed up just as I was asking, and I got attitude all the way to the exam room, including a big show of her angrily changing the paper on the table.

It turned out the doctor had lost track of time and was sitting in his office chatting! I told him I had gotten attitude from the nurse. He apologized.

What could I have said to her in the moment? Incidentally, we were not of the same race, and had we been, I’d have had an easier time speaking up for myself. I am 62 years old, and it was hard enough to go to the doctor during a pandemic without this unprofessional attitude.

GENTLE READER: “I seem to have offended you. I certainly don’t want to do so or waste anyone’s time. Please let me know how I can make these appointments more efficient for us all.”

Send your questions to Miss Manners at her website missmanners.com.