Dear Annie 8/23
Editor’s note: Annie Lane is off this week. This was originally published in 2019.
Dear Annie: Recently, I got married after being single and a widow for 23 years. My husband and I are in our late 70s and very active. We went on a tour to the Midwest. There was a very attractive 70-plus woman with whom I noticed my husband flirting, and she with him. I mentioned that I did not appreciate it, and he assured me it was all in fun.
He later needed help with the photos on his phone. As I was helping him, there was a picture of her and her alone. Not in a group. I questioned him as to why he had a picture of her in his phone, and his response was that he didn’t know how it got there. He said it must have been a mistake.
He has assured me that he loves me and is not interested in anyone else. I can’t seem to get this out of my head. I have prayed on this but to no avail. I thank you in advance for any advice you have on how to handle this situation. I cannot let it go. – Worried About Wandering Eyes
Dear Worried: It is understandable that you would question why your husband had a single picture of the woman that you thought he was flirting with. Expressing your jealousy is OK if done in a productive and matter-of-fact way. If you allow your jealousy to fester, it will only torment you. As Willian Penn said: “The jealous are troublesome to others but a torment to themselves.”
You have a choice in regards to the picture: You can choose to believe him – that it just got there – or you can call him out. And perhaps you don’t mind if he looks or even flirts a little with another woman, but it’s the lying that really bothers you. ILooking and not touching, or even flirting a little, with someone might be acceptable, but lying about it is a much bigger problem. It is the coverup that creates the most problems. Your husband would be much better served if he just said sorry for taking her picture and reassured you that he only has eyes for you.
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