Miss Manners 2/7

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I tested positive for COVID-19 and prepared to quarantine for 10 days. A dear friend sent me a takeout gift card and told me to treat myself to a nice meal while stuck at home.

Two days later, it turned out that my test had been a false positive, and I was able to stop quarantining. Would it be rude to return the gift that my friend gave me, assuming that I would have a much longer quarantine? Or would it be rude to keep the gift?

GENTLE READER: Normally, returning a present is an insult, but these are not normal times nor normal circumstances. Still, it would be awkward.

And Miss Manners can think of something better. Double the order at your expense, and invite your kind friend to a nice meal at home with you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We received an invitation to the wedding of the daughter of friends. It stated, in substance, “We have everything we need, our apartment is small, and we know your taste is terrible and that we would hate any gift you might pick out for us.

“So, we’re going to force you to give us money for our honeymoon: airfare to Italy, hotel room, dinners, tours, bottles of wine, etc.”

You get the idea. I resent being forced to donate to this “charity.” The only idea we have come up with that would make us feel OK about this situation is giving a donation to our favorite charity in the couple’s name. What do you suggest?

GENTLE READER: In substance, that is what all such requests mean, and if this couple stated it outright, they are not as amusing as they may believe they are. Do you really want to attend their wedding?

In any case, presents are always voluntary, even though it is supposed that people who care enough about a couple to witness their wedding will want to show tangible evidence of their goodwill.

However, if you have been expressly asked not to do that, Miss Manners does not feel that you are obliged to deliver compensation. By all means, give to charity, with or without their names, but do not consider that payment due.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In my career, I’ve been told by co-workers that I “must be OCD” because my workspace is organized and uncluttered. In every instance, the commenter has a messy workspace.

Out of politeness, I never go to their area and tell them they “must be a slob or a hoarder.” Shouldn’t they avoid the OCD label for me?

GENTLE READER: And deprive them of the pleasure of justifying their own mess?

Miss Manners would reply, “What a shame we can’t all follow your excellent example,” while gesturing at those overloaded desks and trying very hard not to smirk.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When someone returns home, who should be the first to greet whom?

GENTLE READER: Surely this routine is well known under the name of “Honey, I’m Home.”

The stay-at-home cannot be presumed to hear and interpret footsteps, and to be confident that they belong to Honey and not someone interested in acquiring the silverware. Therefore, it is up to the person returning to make that announcement.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website missmanners.com.