Dear Annie 3/14
Dear Annie: My husband and I are doctors (academician and orthopedic surgeon). We live in a small Western town, and we sponsor many local events and nonprofit organizations to support our community.
Over the years, we have received many cash requests from local students for sponsorships to a variety of causes, including sports training, Rotary Clubs, school clubs and personal fundraisers, musical instrument purchases, band uniforms, international clubs, summer trips overseas and more.
We decided 30 years ago to donate to every one of these requests but with a caveat: to any student who sends a thank you note, we send a second donation.
It has been interesting to see their surprise, and often they send unsolicited reports of their experience, including photographs.
We have made new friendships this way, and the young people have learned the importance of expressing gratitude and communication. Our motto is to lead by example. Thank you for the wisdom you share. – Lead by Example
Dear Lead by Example: More is caught than taught. So, by the way you and your husband are leading by example, more people will be inspired to give. Thank you for your wonderful letter.
Dear Annie: I am writing about the woman whose abusive boyfriend drives her to cut herself even more than she did in the past. The young lady should dump this guy yesterday.
While she is in therapy, which could take a long time, she will become more attached to him, and by the time she realizes that she should let him go, it will be even more difficult. He is trying to destroy her.
She needs to block all communication with him; he could drive her to suicide, and it sounds like he wants to. He is bullying her. She needs to take whatever legal steps she can if he doesn’t stop. If she hurts herself because of him, he should be charged with assault and battery. – Been There
Dear Been There: Thank you for your comments. You are correct that he is bullying her, and she should get away from him as soon as possible and focus on getting herself healthy first.
Dear Annie: Today I read about a woman’s mother-in-law who doesn’t like to get thank-you cards. Reading her letter and your response to it reminds me of a friend of mine.
He doesn’t like celebrating his birthday. He doesn’t want me to send him a greeting card or get him any presents. I asked him why, and he says that his birthday reminds him that he’s getting old. I don’t know if that’s the only reason. He doesn’t like to talk about it any further.
I tried to explain to him that I like to acknowledge birthdays, especially for family members and friends, because they’re a special time for me to show how much the person means to me. He doesn’t seem to understand this, no matter how many times and ways I try to explain this to him. I don’t understand his thinking, and it really bothers me. As a result, I’ve told him not to get me any birthday greeting cards or presents, just to be fair. He seems fine with this. It’s hard for me to respect his wishes because acknowledging special occasions is the way I was raised. I just want to show my appreciation. What are your insights about this? – Sad, Hurt and Frustrated
Dear Sad, Hurt and Frustrated: By respecting his wishes for not getting him anything, you are showing your appreciation. Respecting a friend’s boundaries on birthdays or big celebrations is a wonderful gift. What is good for one person might not be good for another, and clearly, he does not like a big fuss about his birthday, so just let it go and celebrate him on days that are not his birthday.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.