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The Slice

Speaking of sports mascots

Reader Jerry Scheppel brought to my attention the Fisher (Illinois) High School Bunnies.

Grocery shopping this week


A) I like it. Sort of gets me in the holiday spirit. B) “It's a madhouse. A MADHOUSE!” C) I go really early or really late, so it's not too bad. D) I find that if I keep my list to under a hundred items, I can get in and out pretty quickly. E) I enjoy getting home and reporting that the parking lot was a nightmare. F) Other. 

Approve or disapprove

Christmas lights are already up out at Spokane International Airport. 

Readers’ advice about Nordic skiing

Here are just a few things readers told me after I said I was thinking of giving cross-country skiing a try for the first time since a halfhearted dalliance with the activity about 40 years ago.

Costs? “A package of boots/poles/skis will probably run you around $300. Rentals will be available at the Mount Spokane Nordic Ski area starting this winter if you just want to try things out.” — Tom Schaaf

if your main motivation is the desire for exercise? “I think beginners get the hardest workout the first few times they ski. After that it gets easier, but it's also easer to make your workout more and more aerobic, if you want to push your limits.” — Art Bookstrom

Attire? “Special togs are not necessary for cross-country skiing.” — Seabury Blair Jr.

Getting started? “I would suggest that a beginner take a lesson for the first time on the trails, it boosts confidence and heads you in the right direction. …I finally took a lesson after 25 years of Nordic skiing and improved my skiing immediately.” — Ann Torigoe-Hawkins

Wildlife? “Learn what to do when the moose is sharing the trail with you.” — Nancy Kiehn

The vibe? “I have never heard anyone up on Mt. Spokane mock anyone else. Everyone is helpful and just does their thing. I think everyone is so happy to be up there enjoying the beauty of the setting while getting exercise that they are happy to share their excitement and enjoyment with you.” — Susan Mulvihill

Preseason training: “Bicycling is an excellent preparation for skiing.” — Jim Kershner

Question I forgot to ask? “How fat can I be before the other skiers on the trail call in the park ranger to force me to buy a second trail pass? This is a question I ponder often.” — Tim D.

I enjoyed corresponding with these and other enthusiasts. They have found a way to embrace winter. I salute them.

Several readers recommended checking out this site.

The least intimidating sports mascot

Check out Saturday's Slice column.

(And no, this is not yet another reference to my own high school's ludicrous sports-teams nickname, the Seahorses.)

A question for smokers

What weather conditions would keep you from stepping outside for a cigarette break?

Ever wear the classic snow suit?

I assume that you recognize this movie character.

Would you enjoy fielding angry calls?

What if the SR had a program where, each day, one reader would come in to the newsroom bright and early and field angry calls?

Would you want to sign up? I'll bet it would be entertaining and chances are you would wind up with some fun stories to tell your friends.

“This one guy was totally wigged out about something in the comics!”

This is not to suggest that there aren't plenty of occasions when the newspaper richly deserves criticism. But nothing says the reader/hate eater of the day would have to act as our apologist. No, you could agree with the angry callers if you wished.

Or you could do what one of my colleagues has threatened to do — start saying to virtually everyone, “Shut up, you big baby.”

There are two kinds of people

1. People who regularly meet others for breakfast.

2. People who would prefer not to talk to anyone until about noon.

What’s the oldest you can be and still…

…get that “Wish that I could be like the cool kids” song stuck in your head?

I'll open the bidding with 59.

A Slice question from Nov. 21, 1995

Has anyone in history ever fought off denial long enough to admit to actually being the obnoxious relative other family members dread seeing as Thanksgiving approaches?

Bus riding 2014-15, Story No. 1

The were two women sitting behind me on the outbound No. 43.

One of them apparently was looking at the electronic sign facing the passengers.

Someone pulled the cord to request a stop. And the women had this exchange.

“Stop Rejected? What the…”

“Requested. Not Rejected.”


Speculative ornithology

A few years ago, a friend came up with the whimsical concept of Beakbook — a social media network for birds.

I thought of that this morning while out walking in downtown Spokane. What if Beakbook really existed?

Just imagine.

I just know downtown's sparrows would be labeled “thugs” and “loiterers” by birds who claim they never come down here.

And area crows would “like” posts about roadkill squirrels.

What else?

Reimagined/re-edited for 2014

Chuck Connors, starring in “The Rifle Beardsman.”

OK, maybe not.

But if you see Shawn Vestal, ask him to tell you about being in a rural, roadside café and hearing someone sitting right behind him critique last Saturday's beards-dominated SR front page.

The “WKRP” turkey drop

“As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.”

If this is too early for your annual viewing, you can save it. 

Who said this?

“I'm choppin' but no chips are flying.”


Is this what came to mind when you saw that director Mike Nichols had died?

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About this blog

Features writer Paul Turner is a columnist for The Spokesman-Review in the Features department. He writes "The Slice" column, which appears six times a week and produces general features stories for the Today section.

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