Rebecca Nappi

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, who has listened to the dying for decades, has this advice for the living: "Learn to get in touch with silence within yourself. There is no need to go to India or anywhere else to find peace. You will find the deep place of silence right in your room, your garden or even your bathtub." Silence. Peace. Stillness. Our entire culture seems in conspiracy against these states of being. We can now be faxed, voice-mailed and beeped 24 hours a day.

"Lasagna from Costco?" My husband's face falls into disapproval. Lasagna is our traditional Christmas Eve meal, and usually my sister cooks several batches. But this year, the lasagna comes from the store. For good reason. My sister works full time and has five children, four of them still at home, two of them teenagers. Her nickname is "The Rock" because she is steady and unshakable. But this year, The Rock crumbled a little on tradition. Congratulations to her and others who did the same.

Kathy is smart and hard-working. The single mother of two is on public assistance, but she works part-time and attends college. This week she received a food voucher and toys for her kids from the Christmas Bureau. It was easy to feel good about helping Kathy. She embodies the qualities those who are not poor like to see in those who are. But if you work as a volunteer at the Christmas Bureau (something we'd recommend for those in search of that elusive Christmas spirit), you'll discover that not all the poor are like Kathy. Some are unwashed, ungrateful, uninspired. And some will never make it into mainstream society, regardless of the work requirements welfare reform may include.

Even serving soup to a child is a sacred act.

A poignant moment in the movie "Toy Story" comes when Buzz Lightyear discovers that he's just a toy and not really a space ranger. "I'm a sham!" he exclaims as he plunges into a depression. But with the help of his friend Woody, Buzz Lightyear finally accepts his "toyness" and enjoys life within a community of toys. How many of you have experienced Buzz Lightyear moments? An image of yourself dies suddenly and the blues descend. You can grow bitter. Or accept reality and move on. We often don't use this space to recommend movies, but if you have 77 minutes to spare this holiday season, see "Toy Story." The movie offers so many messages, you'll ponder it for days. Your kids will like this G-rated movie, too.

In the 1950s, Sen. Joe McCarthy searched high and low for communists. Many people agreed with McCarthy that communism posed a threat to all that America stood for. But then, during the now-famous McCarthy-Army hearings, McCarthy attacked a young attorney with no ties to communism. The young man's boss said at the hearings: "Let us not assassinate this lad further, senator. You have done enough. Have you no sense of decency, sir, at long last?"

Joyce Claypool opened her life to reporter Carla Johnson, a life marked by a chaotic childhood, sexual addiction, marriage to a drug addict, and finally AIDS. An honest account of Claypool's life, and the death of her 7-year-old daughter from AIDS, began Thursday in this newspaper and concludes Sunday in the IN Life section. Through Claypool's life story, perhaps others will see and understand how family dysfunction can mark a child and influence the decisions that child makes as an adult. But Claypool's story also shows how a person can turn a life around, no matter how dark the life. Claypool did it through a strong faith in God and strong support from her church.

He's the graduate student you know, struggling by on student loans. He has no medical benefits. She's the single mother you're related to, working two part-time jobs but receiving no medical benefits. It's the family next door, beset by employment problems and lacking any medical benefits. The "working poor" are everywhere. They do not receive any medical benefits through school or their jobs and can't afford to buy health insurance out-of-pocket.

It was a rainy, gloomy Saturday, filled to the brim with chores. A blaster headache and a sour disposition followed us to the library. Once there, a book caught our miserable eye. "Everyday Sacred," by Sue Bender. Took the book home, read it and felt a lot better. Bender spent a year or more taking the time to look at stuff like bowls. The shapes of bowls, bowls with cracks. Her book is a series of vignettes - funny, profound, nonpreachy about the sacredness in everyday life, in everyday things. Here's one of our favorite vignettes, on the gift of listening. Next time someone is talking to you and your eyes dart around, remember this story from Bender's book: "(This older woman) made one large decision. She was determined to shrink her list of 'shoulds.' The one thing she was prepared to willingly do was listen, really listen when she was with another person. 'When people started thanking me for what I had done for them, I was surprised. I hadn't done anything!' Later she realized her 'just listening' had meant a lot to them. William Shirer said of Ghandi: 'You felt you were the only person in the room, that he had all the time in the world for you.' Listening is love." Check it out: ACT Theatre in the Spokane Valley is now staging a play called "The Old Lady's Guide To Survival," by Mayo Simon. It's about two older women grappling with encroaching physical and mental frailties, isolation and dependency. Sounds heavy, but it's billed as a "very funny play" and of special interest to "anyone involved in the needs of the elderly." There are several performances scheduled between now and Dec. 2. Tickets are $10; $8 for seniors. Call 921-1706.

You walk into your office and every chair has been moved, every drawer opened. In the evening, as you close the blinds, you wonder: "Is he out there, watching me?" Bullets arrive in the mail with notes that say: "You don't deserve to live." Your normal, busy world disappears. A stalker has targeted you. Let the torture begin. That's what happened recently to Judith Billings, Washington state superintendent of public education. Phillip Harrison, a public employee Billings laid off due to budget cuts, is in jail now after pleading guilty to two counts of felony harassment. He still denies he's the stalker, but state troopers found substantial evidence in Harrison's home and briefcase tying him to the harassment. Billings deserves support, encouragement and thanks for going public with her story. Billings says she will not be scared away from serving the state nor will she shy away from making tough decisions that may anger people and send a few troubled ones over the edge. She hopes others are not scared off, either.

When the Washington state Legislature was working on the "Becca Bill," legislation that cracks down on runaways, they were concerned how law enforcement agencies throughout the state could communicate with each other. Mark Sterk, who has served as a police officer in Spokane since 1974 and was appointed to the Legislature last April, knew the answer off the top of his head. Sterk's street-level experience will be an asset in a Legislature that will soon tackle the important issues of youth violence and crime prevention. That's one of the reasons we're endorsing him for the 4th District seat in the state House of Representatives. He's also in touch with his district, which encompasses much of the Valley. His conservative GOP views on smaller government, more autonomy for local school districts and a get-tough attitude toward criminals all play well in the neighborhoods he represents. His opponent, Democrat Mary Chey Austin, has some credibility problems; she said she attended a college that has no record of her being a student there.

Their loss is so great that any attempt to describe it seems pitifully inadequate. Rob and Jill Schliebe's four little boys died in a house fire last weekend. The Schliebes themselves were badly injured. This horror story spread throughout the country on "the wires" and ran in several newspapers. In the wake of this despair, men, women and children of the Inland Northwest have come forward with prayers, money, clothes, food and household items. One woman who had just bought a new couch and love seat gave them both to the Schliebes. The couple had no medical or renters insurance, though they both had jobs. The Schliebes, an energetic couple devoted to their boys and their church, do not fit any of today's unfortunate stereotypes of the "lazy poor." But they still couldn't afford basic insurance. There are others who need similar assistance. We can help them, too, through donations to local food and clothing banks.

Anita Hill weighs in on O.J. Simpson verdict.

I smoked cigarettes for one week in high school. My mom had traveled to Philadelphia to help my sister with a new baby, and I felt lonely, so I stole a pack of my dad's Winstons. One afternoon, dizzy after my daily fix, I tumbled down the steps. My cigarette-smoking days ended then and there. My husband and I do not allow smoking in our home. That is our right. I hate the smell of smoke in my hair and clothes and felt overjoyed when the newspaper banned smoking in the building several years ago. But though I hate smoking, I like smokers. In the 1980s, before the smoking sections on planes were abolished, I frequently sat in them. The people were more interesting.

When Bob Turner, director of the Washington Fish and Wildlife Department, was asked to comment on Referendum 45, he referred reporters to the governor's office. It made it seem as if he is controlled by the governor. That perception, whether true or not, is the problem. Turner's position is appointed by the governor and backers of Referendum 45 say that should change. We agree. If Referendum 45 passes, the director will be appointed by members of the Fish and Wildlife Commission. That's how it was from 1933 to 1987. Power shifted eight years ago when then-Gov. Booth Gardner granted a 12 percent budget increase to the department in exchange for the right to appoint the director. It was an unwise move then and it's less wise now in this climate of government distrust.

The high school senior had a short haircut, clear skin, a smile every orthodontist would love to claim. He was an honors student, headed for an Ivy League college. One day he stood on a sidewalk near a bank, about 10 feet away from a middle-aged man using a money machine. The man suddenly turned around."Do you mind moving a few feet back?" he asked the teen. "I'd feel more comfortable." The student couldn't believe it. This middle-aged man felt threatened by him? He wondered: "If this adult is scared of me and I look so 'normal' how must he react to teens who dress weird?" The teens in our lives face discrimination on a daily basis, and the discrimination is often invisible to adults. Shopkeepers follow teens around stores. Adults lock their car doors against groups of young people. Recently, at a seminar for high school students, a sign posted near the elevators read: "Elevators for adults only."

In 1934, a group of citizens acquired 1,000 acres of land below Downriver Golf Course, including the Bowl and Pitcher rock formation. The state bought up even more land adjacent to the Spokane River and that's why 8,000 beautiful acres remain preserved to this day. Drive to the Bowl and Pitcher in Riverside State Park, walk to the suspension bridge and peer down (if heights don't frighten you). Watch the river race its course; it's breathless at this site. Walk around the park and you'll see children on their bikes, families strolling, dating couples walking and talking. Peace rules here, 10 minutes from downtown Spokane. For decades, Inland Northwest residents have been able to enjoy the beauty and peace of the Spokane River because a group of citizens dreamed a vision and acted upon it. Now, one family will add to the vision.

Ellen Degeneres personifies 'real women' on television.

Harold Clarke's phone is ringing off the hook with requests. Now that he's retiring from the bench, the Spokane County Superior Court judge is in high demand to give talks, serve on boards, act as a mediator. We hate to add to his request list. After all, he's retiring to spend more time with family. He's 67 and deserves to slow down. But please, Judge Clarke, make room in your busy semiretirement schedule to talk with law students. They need your message and your example more than ever.

The women have packed up and left China. The tents have been taken down. The briefcases are closed. The Fourth U.N. World Conference on Women officially ended last week; now, the hard work begins. Women from 185 nations emerged with a 150-page plan of action which should better the lives of women worldwide. But the underlying message is that real change happens woman by woman. Women cannot wait for governments, for church leaders, for corporation executives to transform their lives. This starts at home, at school, at work. Almost every goal that emerged from the women's conference can be personalized into a message women can pass on to the young women in their lives. Some specifics:

Several years ago, a professional woman we know felt exasperated by the indifference of employers to their workers' child-care dilemmas. "Maybe they don't want to deal with it because they are embarrassed that employees are having the sex that creates those children," she said.

They walked down the street in the morning chill, backpacks slung across their shoulders. Their shoes all looked new, as did their jeans, shorts, skirts and haircuts. And the dinosaurs on their lunch boxes had clean faces. But by year's end, after they have been kicked and dropped and misplaced, the dinosaurs will look properly prehistoric. And the children will be older, wiser. We went to the first day of school Tuesday at Brentwood Elementary on Spokane's North Side, a first- and a third-grader in tow. It should be required that every adult accompany a child to school the first day of the new year. It's a life-renewer, this ritual.

Attend a movie by yourself? No problem for some women. Here is some of the reaction we received when we asked if women ever go to movies alone. Tracy Johnson of Spokane: "Attending films solo is one way I care for my soul. In the beginning, I viewed it as a challenge to my confidence, but going alone is now second nature to me. A film transports me into another domain that is ultimately processed through one's own perception of the images. Also, I can choose whichever film I want, sit wherever I like and I don't have to be concerned with a companion making comments during significant parts of the film. I prefer to go unaccompanied and encourage all to experience it."

It's after dinner. What to do? You can watch "The Simpsons" or "Rescue 911." You can go for a walk, a bike ride. You can read a book. Or ease into some much-needed relaxation after a busy day. Tonight, however, we invite you to change your plans and help make our community a safer place for children. We invite you to a public forum in the Shadle Park High School auditorium from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m. The newspaper is sponsoring the forum. The theme is protecting our children.