Column

If you were a substitute teacher at this time of year, what would you do to maintain order in your classroom?

Remember the golden olden days? You know, back when we all lived in blissful speculation about what horrors might be unleashed should some political upstart come along and break Spokane’s curse of the One Term Mayor?

Could someone get the Spokane Valley City Council a copy of the state Open Meetings law?

Today The Slice presents the transcript of an exclusive interview with the Spokane Guy Who Isn’t Concentrating on Work.

How do you acknowledge the solemn reason for Memorial Day while also getting in the spirit of blowout sales, a day off from work and start-of-summer cookouts?

Last Thursday I… Blasted a bullet-proof couch cushion with a silencer-equipped .45.Took heart-thumping rides in a supercharged, 1,000-horsepower SUV and truck.Gave noogies to Giff and Bella, a couple of lovable German shepherds, who – if given the right command – would turn my windpipe into a chew toy.

A new national report charts reduced state investment in higher education and rising tuition across the country, with Idaho ranking fairly poorly – the report found that state spending on higher ed per student in Idaho remains 30.8 percent below pre-recession levels, when adjusted for inflation, the seventh-highest percentage in the country.

I had a boss at my first newspaper job who believed in a dress code for men. Most of the year, male staffers were required to wear neckties while on the job. Between Memorial Day and Labor Day, ties were optional.

Fido is a thief. Don’t let him tell you otherwise.

Today The Slice is going out on a limb and predicting a few highlights of summer.

A Spokane psychologist who developed and implemented the Bush administration’s torture program has co-authored “Enhanced Interrogation,” which was slated by Crown Publishing for a May 10 release. The book has been shelved.

That’s when it pays to have working brake lights.

Necia Wright had a home-invasion incident – of the four-legged variety.

Many years ago, our small sons had attempted to dig to China from our backyard. The resulting trench, shored up with whatever boards and branches they could scavenge, was a marvel of elementary engineering. It was also dangerous when 6-year-old Sam found himself in over his head.

It’s what made Saturday night special.

Mother’s Day, 2016. A Spokane woman, trailed by a handful of kids and adults, marches through the Spokane Valley Target, waving a Bible over her head and roaring. “Target would have you believe with their Mother’s Day displays that they love mothers and children!” the woman shouts while being recorded on video. “This is a deception! This is not love, and they’ve proven it by opening their bathrooms to perverted men! I’m a mother of 12 and I’m very disgusted by this wicked practice!”

Tuesday 8 p.m. is the final moment to effectively participate in Washington’s primary election although I’d rather eat a bowl of live spiders rather than cast my ballot. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

I hear rumors about what happens to grandfathers after they fall asleep in their chairs. It seems mischievous grandchildren delight in loading up the slumbering gentlemen with all sorts of household objects – spoons, slippers, magazines, plates, TV remotes. You name it.

Doug Clark asks, how can there be 31 people interested in leading the Spokane Police Department?