Can You Take Sweet With The Bitter?

Dear Miss Manners: On her return from a trip overseas, my girlfriend brought me a bottle of liquor that is a specialty of the country she visited. I was very pleased and indicated my appreciation.

The problem is that immediately after delivering the gift, she informed me that she was terminating our relationship.

I know that she felt she was being thoughtful, but is it proper to bring your significant other a gift on the same visit that you announce that you are dumping him/her?

And what do I do with the bottle? I do not want to keep it around as a sad reminder. However, the alternatives of dumping the liquor or giving it back seem childish and ill-mannered.

Gentle Reader: Miss Manners was about to reply with exquisite simplicity: Drink it. You’ll feel better. And it will be gone.

But then the columnist’s reflex kicked in, and it occurred to her that she did not want to be flooded with letters accusing her of fostering alcoholic solutions to emotional problems. You can’t be too careful in these earnest times.

So let’s deal with the etiquette problem, instead. She likes it better than all that messy stuff, anyway.

Like you, Miss Manners would prefer to take unpleasantness straight, instead of having it diluted with apparent kindness. But she cannot actually condemn someone who throws something sweet in with the bitters.

That is not to say that you must down the mixture. When the lady announced her intentions, or her cessation of previous intentions, you could have handed back the bottle saying more or less pleasantly, “Under the circumstances, I don’t feel I can take a present from you, but thank you anyway.”

It’s too late for that now, so just give it to someone else - someone who does not have emotional problems and would use it responsibly, of course.

Dear Miss Manners: It is time to reprint our company letterhead, and some people believe it should include a printed recycling symbol and the phrase “recycled paper” in the lower left-hand corner. I am absolutely confident this is wrong.

We already have a watermark on our stationery indicating that it is recycled. This is enough. The recycling logo is not appropriate because it is stationery, not an advertisement, not a flyer, not a booklet. I would assert that it is no more appropriate than to print “25 percent rag content” back when the quality of paper was judged by the amount of cloth fibers in the paper.

Gentle Reader: Does anybody but Miss Manners remember the concept of virtue for virtue’s sake? You are supposed to do what you consider right because you think it is right, not because it gives you a chance to show off your righteousness.

Not that this idea has ever been popular. Miss Manners is perfectly aware that the opportunity to violate the virtue of modesty has always been the chief incentive for practicing other virtues. All she is really asking for is a bit more subtlety.

And so are you, and quite reasonably, too. To brag twice on the same old piece of paper is indeed excessive.

xxxx