This Is About Club Dynamics
Dear Miss Manners: I am investigating setting up a local film usenet on a new computer network as an extension of my classic/foreign film discussion group that meets once a month at the local art and culture center. The club president and discussion leader encourages politeness and respect for the opinions of others while welcoming thoughtful points of view after a showing of the film of the month.
A usenet, short for users’ network, is a computer discussion group or forum where people can read messages, post messages and reply to the messages posted by others. Unlike electronic mail, where the message can only be read by the person to whom it is directed, messages can be posted or read by anyone accessing the forum.
How can I foster the characteristics of politeness and respect?
Gentle Reader: What you are proposing is a club - an assembly of people who agree to certain rules of behavior in order to foster the activities and atmosphere upon which they have agreed.
Even Miss Manners notices that this is not as easily organized as a golf or sewing club. You do not need to worry about finding a meeting place or time, and nobody is likely to get sick on the rug. But it’s harder to interview prospects, bar admission or throw people out.
Hard, but not impossible. Nobody has to belong to a club, but those who do must agree to obey its rules. So the first thing you must do is to post the rules. Welcome to the etiquette business.
Typically, usenet rules include bans against remarks that are repetitive, commercial, vulgar, irrelevant, verbose and personally derogatory, but the beauty of a club is that you can set whatever standards you want. Flaming may be ruled out entirely, for example, or it may be kept within specified limits, or encouraged as good sport.
Some usenet groups ask for facts without opinions; yours, Miss Manners gathers, solicits opinions. The danger is that people will give their opinions of other opinion givers, rather than only of the films.
For this reason, Miss Manners particularly recommends a directive that the polite way to say, “How can you be so stupid?” is “I’m afraid I must disagree with you.”
Prospects should be asked to review the rules and agree to the conditions. The sensitive among them will not offer contributions until they have read enough to understand the tone that is expected. And those who flout the rules must be asked to leave - or even barred from entering. That, at least, is more easily accomplished by an electronic refusal to accept messages from the exile than if that person is literally banging on the club door.
Dear Miss Manners: I share an open but long and sprawling office suite with six others who work with computers. I don’t believe I sneeze much more than the others, but this environment is somewhat dusty, and there might be one or two sneezes among us in the course of a day.
I keep a box of tissues close at hand, but one or more of my co-workers seems to feel the need to bless me (or others) after a sneeze, even when we weren’t previously talking. The seemingly required response is “Thank you,” but I do not feel any sincere gratitude, particularly when I might have to turn around and shout it back to the person or people who provided the blessing. Furthermore, the entire verbal exchange seems little more than an interruption.
Gentle Reader: Is Miss Manners to bless you for trying to stamp out a simple courtesy? You must be coming down with something more than a cold. However, you will be relieved to hear she does not require you to feel sincere gratitude for this gesture. All you need do is say a quick “thank you” loudly enough to be heard.
The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Judith Martin United Features Syndicate