Enough Of Greetings And Salutations
My long practice on business letters has been to omit the greeting entirely, and start out at once with what I have to say, as I have done with this letter. The letter title block, including the address, functions as a greeting, so an additional greeting serves no purpose.
I have never had anyone object. Nor has anyone ever complained because I omit a “complimentary close” and merely sign my name right after my message ends.
French-language letters make such a big thing of greetings and closings that they run about one-quarter longer than English language letters. Invariably such canned phrases are simply ignored.
Gentle Reader: Really? Miss Manners will have to tell her old friend Germaine de Stael that she has been wasting her time.
You’re not wasting any time on courtesy, are you?
You are, however, wasting your time if you are waiting for Miss Manners to congratulate you in your attempt to stamp out the pitifully few courtesies we have left.
Why bother with salutations and closings? Why bother saying “Good morning” or “Goodbye,” when you can simply start barking at people, or turn on your heel and leave them? Because the abruptness is unpleasant, and softening it is a very easy way to demonstrate good will.
And now Miss Manners will wish you a good day. Those versed in the conventions will recognize this particular form as the courteous way of saying, “We seem to have nothing more to say to each other.”
Dear Miss Manners: Last night, we had two couples over for dinner. The first couple arrived on time. We waited an hour before we finally ate dinner.
Well, about 30 minutes after we finished dinner and moved to the living room, the second couple arrived. My husband got up and fixed them each a plate, and then he stayed in the kitchen the whole time they ate.
He should have come back into the living room after fixing the plates. I think he was rude to the first couple. We like both couples very much.
Gentle Reader: If truth be known, Miss Manners was out there in the kitchen with your husband. In spirit, she hastens to add, before you get the wrong impression about why they remained there so long with the door shut.
She was arguing your case about the necessity of his returning to his host duties in the living room. Your husband, although contrite about abandoning you and the first couple, replied that he didn’t trust himself not to go out there and dump dinner on the heads of people who arrived for dinner two or three hours after the appointed time. Given the choice, Miss Manners had to agree that he was better off where he was.
Dear Miss Manners: My husband just terminated an affair and we are in the process of putting our marriage back together.
How should I handle the woman who tried to steal him away?
I have a great deal of animosity toward her and so far have been able to avoid her. Sooner or later, I will come face to face, most probably in a business setting. What do I do?
Gentle Reader: Treat her as you would someone of no particular importance in your life, but to whom you would not dream of being rude.
Miss Manners understands that you do dream of it. But even if you managed to convey your animosity within the strict bounds of propriety, it would be a strategic mistake.
Onlookers would be both embarrassed and titillated, which is not the response you want from business acquaintances or anyone else, for that matter. And the person you wish to punish would understand it to mean that your husband still cares for her - or why would you care about her, one way or the other?
And why, indeed, should you?
The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Judith Martin United Features Syndicate