Cheap Seats
You can call him ‘Champ’
That’s not what they’re calling you now Kentucky coach Tubby Smith said he was so disgusted with himself after the Wildcats lost three straight regular-season home games that “I wanted to call my own call-in show and say, ‘Hey, you bum.”’
Pokey gets dumped on
The Cincinnati Reds lost their season opener at home to the San Diego Padres 10-2 on Tuesday, their most lopsided opening-day defeat in 36 years. Things got so ugly during the game that the most lasting image for most fans will involve a man, a garbage bag and an elephant.
Two camels and an elephant from the Cincinnati Zoo were on the field as part of the pregame festivities. To keep the turf clean, a zoo employee stood behind the elephant with a bag.
When the worker did his job perfectly a few minutes before the first pitch, he raised his arms in celebration and the crowd of 54,578 provided an ovation.
“He got the biggest hand of anybody,” manager Jack McKeon said.
When Pokey Reese of the Reds made four errors in the first three innings, tying the opening-day record for a shortstop, he thought of the bag guy.
“That’s a nice job, holding that bag for the elephant,” Reese said. “I wouldn’t want that job. Of course, if I make four errors again, maybe they’ll make me do that job.”
The Cincinnati Zoo, Part II
Several of the Padres were stretching on the field before batting practice when Reds owner Marge Schott arrived with her St. Bernard, Schottzie 02. She went over to the Padres, chatted for a few moments and asked a couple of players if they wanted the dog to lick their faces. They politely declined.
Could have been worse. She could have offered to lick their faces.
Getting in deep
University of Utah guard Andre Miller told coach Rick Majerus that the word “quagmire” was on the SAT. “He didn’t know how to pronounce it or what it meant,” Majerus said. “Half of our administration at Utah doesn’t know what it means, and we’re in it half the time.”
More on Majerus
Majerus underwent septuple bypass surgery eight years ago and was asked if he has been taking care of himself: “My health is pretty good. I do exercise. All you have to do is look at me to know I’m not sticking to my diet.”
Welcome to the big leagues
Mike Adams of Tempe stood in front of the main gate for the Arizona Diamondbacks’ first-ever home and regular-season game with a glove and a sign reading, “Take Me Out to the Ball Game, I Need One Ticket.”
He had 40 bucks to spend, but not enough for scalpers.
“Regretfully,” Adams said, “they want an arm and a leg, and I need something to catch the ball with.”
The last word …
“A guy like Billy Russell has been in the game 30 years. He should have learned things through osmosis, at least, by just hanging around.”
- New York Mets manager Bobby Valentine about his former Dodgers teammate and current L.A. manager after the teams’ beanball exchange.