Discreet Addition Of Cubes Allowable

Dear Miss Manners: Ice cubes in wine might not be a breach of etiquette, but the sight of them there would certainly give pain, not only to the serious oenophile, but to all but the least cultivated and caring consumer (i.e., wino). It just isn’t done, however unobtrusively, not as a matter of propriety, but of taste (in both senses of the word). It is like putting ketchup in bouillabaisse.

Since it is central to Miss Manners’ view of etiquette that offense not be given nor pain caused, the writer invites her to reconsider this particular matter. If one needs to dilute one’s wine, a little ice water might be discretely added, but always in liquid form.

Gentle Reader: Miss Manners would not care to have a wino leaning over her to peep into her wine glass, but she would be even more disturbed by the same attention from a serious oenophile.

Not that she would dream of offending either one. But as ice is readily available (unlike ketchup, which would have to be requested with one’s bouillabaisse, thus commanding everyone’s attention and giving the cook apoplexy), and as Miss Manners requires that ice be slipped into the glass discreetly (no dramatic splashes), and as polite winos and serious oenophiles are confined to staring into their own drinks, the possibility of giving offense to others by diluting one’s wine with ice does not exist.

Dear Miss Manners: I have a cousin who spent the night and that evening she was going through my things and looking all through my closet. So the next morning I asked her to pick up all the things she took out, but she just sat there. So I asked her again, and she looked at me and turned around. So I told her that she couldn’t spend the night any more. Do you think I did the right thing?

Gentle Reader: Almost. You should have resolved to do everything you could from preventing her from sharing your room again, but you should not have announced this to her.

Miss Manners realizes that this is a subtle point. Going through the hostess’s closet and leaving her things in a mess are both violations of etiquette that deserve banishment. But chastising guests and announcing they can’t return are also violations of etiquette, however justly prompted.

Besides, there is the matter of making your decree of banishment stick. She is your cousin, and to bar her from spending the night in your room again (the relationship will undoubtedly allow her to get back through the front door) may require the sympathy and understanding of your parents. They are more likely to be on your side if you are able to show that you, at least, exercised mannerly restraint.

Dear Miss Manners: I am the mother of a groom, and I’m looking forward to my son’s wedding to a lovely lady.

However, I have one concern: I am allergic to perfumes, cologne and fragrances. I will get throbbing headaches if I am with people who wear it, and that will ruin my pleasure.

Is there a polite and cordial way to indicate on the wedding invitation or enclosure that refraining from wearing perfume or the like will be greatly appreciated?

Gentle Reader: Miss Manners is afraid that even the mother of the groom has limited power over the guests. Curiously enough, they may set the standard for dress on the invitation but not for the use of toiletries.

Nevertheless, Miss Manners sympathizes with your problem, as she trusts your son and the lovely lady do, too. It would be particularly nice of them to spread the word among their guests, by word of mouth or separate notes, that they would deeply appreciate special cooperation in protecting you from your allergy problem.

xxxx

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Judith Martin United Features Syndicate