A Poor Spittin’ Image
Mark Purdy of the San Jose (Calif.) Mercury News, commenting on the Oakland Raiders’ Regan Upshaw spitting in the face of Pittsburgh Steeler punter Josh Miller and being fined one week’s salary, or $29,412:
“After the fine was announced, Upshaw spoke about the situation as if there should be a sliding scale for spitting fines, based on liquidity and density.
“ `It wasn’t even a loogie. It was just some spray… . I don’t understand - $30,000 for spitting on somebody.’ “Did the guy expect to earn a saliva bonus instead? Perhaps that will happen in the XFL. But I’m guessing not.”
Dangerous territory
Dan LeBatard in the Miami Herald, suggesting that Miami coach Butch Davis should spurn any pro offer and remain a college coach:
“The day of Don Shula and George Halas is as dead as Vince Lombardi. No NFL head coach has been in his current job so much as a decade.
“You sign an NFL coaching contract, and all you’ve guaranteed yourself beyond money is that you’ll soon be fired - with diminished mental health thrown in as a reachable incentive clause.”
Must be true, then
Mike Lupica in the New York Daily News: “When I’m not hearing Indiana University for Rick Pitino, I’m hearing UCLA. He can’t just go anywhere, the guy is an icon, after all.
“I read it one of his books.”
Bowling for president
The American Bowling Congress has come up with a simple plan to decide the presidential election - a bowl-off between Al Gore and George W. Bush.
The ABC has invited both candidates to its test facility in Greenville, Wis., a suburb of Milwaukee, where each candidate would bowl one scratch game - no handicap allowed - with the highest scorer declared president of the United States.
Computer scoring will leave no doubt about the winner. Pins left standing that are scuffed, dented or dimpled will not be counted.
The question is, can either of these guys stay out of the gutter?
Even-steven
Woody Paige in the Denver Post: “Colorado to New York: DROP DEAD! Start spreading the news. Mike Hampton and Denny Neagle have forsaken Old York, Old York for New Denver, New Denver.
“New Yorkers should be ecstatic. The Rockies got Hampton and Neagle. New York got famed free agent Hillary Rodham Clinton.”
The last word …
“The NBA keeps fining Dallas Maverick owner Mark Cuban for blasting the officiating. If this keeps up, we may have a Cuban whistle crisis on our hands.”
- Tom FitzGerald in the San Francisco Chronicle