Dump runs just one of life’s great joys
There’s a lot of freedom in being a male. We grow up with the ever-increasing conviction that we’re half Daniel Boone and half Rambo – free spirits where rules don’t apply as we roam the forest.
On Jan. 1, that freedom took a direct hit at the area’s three Waste to Energy disposal sites, or, as men call them, “dumps.” From now on, all loads must be “covered with a tarp or secured with a rope or other means so that nothing spills from the load.” Violators will be assessed between $5 and $15 at the time of service.
My first reaction was pretty much what Gulliver’s must have been when he felt the ropes of the Lilliputians surrounding him. This isn’t what “maleness” is all about! The next thing you know, new freedom-usurping rules will dominate our male world, possibly including such directives as not taking the newspaper into the family bathroom/library or, heaven help us, requiring us to share custody of the TV remote.
But after a little reflection, this rule is just a minor drawback to one of life’s great joys – a trip to the dump. That thought, and the time I had a tire make a break for freedom while on its ride “down the green mile,” makes me concur that this law has value. The last time I saw that tire it was rolling down Sullivan, against traffic, headed for the Central Pre-Mix grounds where it eventually came to rest as a sort of free-range planter.
It does concern me how this rule will be implemented. Will the attendant visually inspect each vehicle or will she add another question to “the quiz” – the string of questions the driver must answer at the dump’s entrance. The quiz goes something like this:
“City or county?”
“County, ma’am.”
“Personal or business?”
“Personal for about 10 more minutes, ma’am, then it’s all yours.”
“Less filling or tastes great?”
“I left those cans at recycling, ma’am.”
“Ginger or Mary Ann?”
“Whoa! Back off, ma’am … way too personal!”
I think I’ll be happy with the visual inspection versus the Perry Mason interrogation. (Just for the record, though – it’s “Mary Ann”…and by the way, do women get presented with a “Gilligan or the Professor” choice?)
Taking everything into consideration, Spokane’s manner of handling waste has to be considered a success. In the more than a decade that the current system has been in existence, the changes have been positive. Recycling is made easy here in Spokane, increasing its odds for success. Without the “clean green” program, it’s likely we would still be cleaning up after Ice Storm. Who can forget the mounds of tree waste the dumps had to process without using a landfill?
“Dump runs” themselves prove to be a viable economic alternative to increasingly expensive curbside can service, but there is room for additional economic benefit. Wouldn’t a car wash, with actual working vacuum hoses and right next to the dump, be an instant moneymaker? A whole world of dump add-on products could be pushed. Nose plugs. Shoe shines. And they could sell tarps just outside the dump’s front gate.
There are other subtle advantages to the dump. The presence of a local dump has sold more trucks than a generous rebate program. Build it and the trucks will come. Men flock in from all points of the compass to display their varying degrees of “backing-up” skill – often with comedic results.
The dump has social benefits as well. It’s a great judge of character. If a guy takes a prospective date to the dump, the experience can tell a lot about her.
If she stays in the cab with the windows rolled up, with her fingers clenched over her nose, a guy should take note. But if she jumps from the cab of the truck, yells “Yeeha!” and starts flinging your load from the bed of the pickup, competing with you in an “shot putting” contest, by golly she’s a keeper. If she then grabs a broom and tidies up the back of your truck bed, go buy a ring. But maybe, just to be safe, ask her how she feels about TV remotes first.
Tarps and a male’s free spirit aren’t incompatible, especially if we don’t want to step in something while we’re out roaming.