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Lesley Stahl of “60 Minutes” reported on the Hanford Nuclear Reservation cleanup in a scathing feature last Sunday. She has the perfect name, because stall is what the federal government has done best in attempting to scrub one of the most contaminated places on Earth.

However, the venerable TV news magazine could’ve sent a more appropriate correspondent to reflect the absurd defense of this bumbling operation by the federal government and its hired contractors. And it just so happens that “60 Minutes” featured him on the same broadcast.

Comedian Stephen Colbert isn’t a loud, preening, defend-the-indefensible commentator in real life, but he plays one on Comedy Central. His shtick expertly punctures the fact-averse ignorance of so many leaders who would rather spin than get at the truth. In short, he’s the perfect man to defend the Hanford cleanup.

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Good evening. We’re standing atop America’s most dangerous landfill. Below me are millions of gallons of radioactive waste in colossal tanks that, for the most part, are tight as a drum. Sure the enviros and America haters will tell you that just a cupful of this toxic stew would lay waste to scores of people stupid enough to stand here. But, come on, who’s going to do that?

Then they’ll tell you that an underground plume formed from leaking waste is inching toward the nearby Columbia River. Big deal. It’s not really our river anyway. It starts in Canada; it’s their problem.

Besides, it’s not like every tank is leaking. In fact, most of them aren’t. Of the 177 tanks that hold up to 750,000 gallons each, 110 of them have never dripped. That’s an average of .621, which will win you a batting title in any league in America. Plus, some of these tanks are more than 60 years old. Do people really think they can last forever?

Let’s look at another fact: The U.S. Energy Department was more than halfway right when it surmised just how strong a vitrification plant would have to be in case of an earthquake. That’s right, America, this fact can be verified by looking at the Government Accountability Office study showing that the plant, which is designed to turn radioactive waste into glass logs, which are then to be buried, need only be 40 percent stronger to withstand a seismic event.

Had we been less accurate, the delay on this project would’ve been even more than the three years we’ve endured. Sure, we could’ve settled the design debate back in 2002, but we forged ahead because we are a nation of doers.

That’s something the naysayers like Gov. Chris Gregoire can never understand. She’s worried that Congress will cut funding for the cleanup because it’s gotten to be so expensive. Can she be serious? The brave men and women on Capitol Hill are not prisoners to price tags. They’ve never been afraid of spending taxpayer dollars.

So don’t worry, America, and always remember that the government that governs best governs least. Rest assured, that’s the guiding principle for Hanford.

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