Depp shoveling tale a snow job

I’m glad so many enjoyed wondering whether Johnny Depp really helped shovel snow off my roof a couple of weeks ago. The comments on Dave Oliveria’s Huckleberries Online have been priceless, with creative bloggers comparing Depp’s visit to Rathdrum to their sightings of Elvis Presley driving a snowplow in Spokane and the entire cast of “High School Musical” performing in a pot hole on Spokane Street in Post Falls.

Actually, Johnny Depp is probably somewhere sunning in the south of France while we are up here shoveling away. I thought the whole idea so far-fetched it would be easily pegged as a midwinter fantasy. Seems I was wrong. So many know Depp has been in the area and believe he the kind of guy who would help a friend shovel snow off his mother’s roof, that the story took on a life of its own. I’m sorry for any misunderstanding. The sexy pirate star was a ploy to help ease the work and worry of the worst winter storm we’ve faced in many years – seems like it worked.

It’s the thought that counts

Valentine’s Day isn’t one of my favorite holidays. In fact there have been a few years when I felt ready to join a growing group of anti-Valentine’s Day activists. With their catchy slogan, “Say NO to V.D.,” they are attracting literally dozens across the nation – mostly those whose past Valentine’s Days have been somewhat lackluster.

The tokens of affection Americans plan to purchase for Valentine’s Day this year will cost over $17 billion, according to the National Retail Federation. They say the average consumer plans to spend nearly $123 on their significant other this year. Over half of these folks plan to buy cards for their loved ones, in addition to either taking them out for a special meal or purchasing a traditional Valentine’s Day gift like flowers, candy or jewelry.

A few try less conventional, and cheaper, approaches. In the early ‘70s, my boyfriend gave me a pair of what we used to call “tube socks” on our first Valentine’s Day together. They were white with a few pink and red hearts scattered around. A care with a little Ziggy-type character stood in place with his finger up his nose. “I picked this just for you – Happy Valentine’s Day,” it read. A year later we married. I can’t say I wasn’t warned.

Valentine’s Day has never been an especially great day for me, partly because my husband was out of town a lot. When he returned, he would often disappear for an hour or two and return with a gift for me. “I didn’t have time to buy anything before I left,” he would say as he handed me some flowers or chocolates. I would thank him, not looking him in the eye, because we both knew the fact that he got the gift half-priced, had something to do with his choice of gift.

In the early ‘80s he surprised me with the most beautiful Valentine’s Day card I had ever seen. It was huge, had pink satin ribbons tied on it, gorgeous flowers and the most sentimental, caring thoughts I had ever read. The words were so meaningful to me, they touched my heart. Lovingly, I looked at him and said, “That’s so beautiful, I didn’t know you really understood. I didn’t know you felt that way too.”

“Oh,” he said carelessly, “what did it say? I just picked out the biggest one – I didn’t read it.” To this day, I read my card; then look at him. He solemnly nods and says, “Yes, I read it,” and then I thank him. It’s been over 20 years and he’s still paying for that little stunt.

One year I let him know exactly what I wanted – a mother’s ring I had spent years looking for. I had expected it for Christmas, but got new hubcaps for my car – no I’m not kidding – but then he did surprise me by buying me a mother’s ring for Valentine’s Day. But, it wasn’t the right one. When I opened the box, I was surprised and thanked him for the ring. Eventually I asked why I didn’t get the one I wanted. “Oh, he said, “that one wasn’t strong enough. I got the sturdy one so you can work in it.”

The good news is I know he really does care because he keeps trying. Not too many years ago he gave me diamond earrings. “They’re real,” he said proudly as I opened them. It was hard to tell. They were so small they went straight through the holes in my ears – no joke, I lost one the first time I wore them.

Last year he latched onto a new Valentine’s Day tactic. The result was I got something I really liked – at first. He handed me a small, blue velvet box. “Open it,” he said excitedly. In the box was a lovely gold ring. It looked a little like a wedding band with entwined hearts. I looked up in surprise, “It’s lovely.”

“It’s 18 carat, he said. “I got it from the pawn shop. I knew you’d like it.”

Yes, Valentine’s Day is looking up for me. In 35 years I’ve gone from a little guy picking his nose to someone’s used wedding ring. I wonder what I’ll get today.