Dear Annie: When the going gets rough…

Dear Annie: I started dating this wonderful man. It was a perfect courtship, with the exception of some minor troubled-teen issues in his life – we both have teenagers – that he was working on but didn’t tell me much about. We dated happily with no issues whatsoever for three months. Then one day, just after he took me to meet his entire family and told me how happy he was with me in his life, he texted me that there had been a huge blowup on the teen front and he might be MIA for a few weeks to deal with the issue. He wouldn’t tell me what happened, other than that his son was getting kicked out of school. He also said there was some court issue, as well. I knew that his 17-year-old son had been in trouble with the law once already.

In his next text, he told me that he was sorry he had started our relationship and was not able to finish it. He said that he had to “put it on the back burner” and that I should not wait for him. I texted back that I couldn’t believe he would break up with me via a text. He said, “No, sweetie, it’s not like that.” He said he had much bigger issues to deal with.

I recently wrote him a loving letter, saying that I understand he is going through some issues and leaving the door open for him to return if he wants to. He texted me to say he hopes we can connect soon, but I don’t feel any hope whatsoever.

Do you think this is normal for a man who seemed to be in love to just leave and break it off, not attempting to keep his partner in his life at all? If so, should I wait or hope for him to come back to me? – Put on the Back Burner

Dear Put on the Back Burner: It sounds as if the honeymoon is over. His true colors are shining through, and they don’t look very bright. If you are planning to wait for this man, it’s a pretty safe bet that you will be waiting a long time. Even if he does come back into your life, why would you want him?

Life is always going to have ups and downs, and what I am hearing from him is that during difficult times, he does not want to share them with you and would rather put you on the back burner. That’s not how a healthy, loving, supportive relationship works.

Save your energy for a man who appreciates your love and wants to keep your relationship on the front burner during good times and bad. That is my hope for you.