Miss Manners 8/13

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After two canceled wedding dates due to the pandemic, my partner and I decided we’d rather get on with it. My grandmother’s dementia is only accelerating, and I wanted her to be fully present at my wedding.

My grandmother lives with my lovely aunt out of state. We traveled to their home – safely keeping to ourselves by camping along the way – and wed in their backyard. Close friends and family watched via webcam.

My aunt invited a few of her friends to the wedding without informing me. I was a little concerned about safety, but I was more grateful at the time just to be there, getting married. Also, she was the hostess and officiant, so I felt it would be rude to complain.

I did not know these fine folks, and one of them gave us a small, nice gift. After returning home, I asked my aunt for the gift-giver’s address to send a thank-you, but she never gave it to me. It has been several months now.

I am bothered that I didn’t properly show my appreciation for the gift, and I admit that I cannot recall the person’s name any longer. My focus was mostly on my new spouse and stepchild that day, and not the people I had just met.

What is the etiquette when one receives a wedding gift from an unknown, uninvited guest? At this point, am I still obligated to pester my aunt for the giver’s address?

GENTLE READER: Yes, but if you cannot help yourself, Miss Manners will permit you to say in the letter, “What a wonderful and unexpected surprise to have you at the wedding. Caitlin and I adore the wonderful cheese grater. I do wish that we had had more time at the wedding, but since you are one of Aunt Lacey’s closest friends, I trust that we will see you at another family event soon.” As the occasion is unlikely to be repeated, you need not chastise lovely Aunt Lacey for not properly introducing you to her unanticipated friends.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A young couple two houses away announced this summer that they’re expecting twins. Although we’re not overly friendly, I did purchase two baby blankets. When I saw the husband recently coming out of his garage, I gave him the gift bag with the blankets, saying it was just a little gift to welcome the new arrivals. He thanked me, and I went back into my house.

I’ve not heard a word since, nor received a thank-you note. It has me wondering if the husband went back into the garage and continued working on his project and forgot all about it.

I guess I’m wondering if, the next time I see the wife, I should casually mention it. Or should I just let it go?

GENTLE READER: Mention it: “Did Joshua ever get those blankets to you? I am afraid that I ambushed him by your garage the other day, but we do so want to commemorate the twins’ birth.”

Miss Manners feels certain that the next time you come to visit, your present will have been safely rescued from its hiding place underneath the car.

Send your questions to Miss Manners at her website missmanners.com.