Dear Annie 10/4

Dear Annie: My sister and I have an older brother. We had a falling out with him several years ago and have not spoken to him or his wife since.

My sister and brother both live within 5 miles of our mother. Our mom was not part of the falling out. She was diagnosed with dementia a few years ago and lost her driving privileges more than a year ago.

Our brother rarely calls our mom or offers to give her rides, and he never stops by to check on her. When she calls him for help, or just to chat, he acts like she is a complete inconvenience (actually, this isn’t a new behavior). He’s even retired!

We don’t mind being the ones she calls for help and rides, but we do get angry that he won’t take 20 minutes out of his week, or even his month, to see how she’s doing. It would make her day to get a visit or a phone call, especially during the past 18 months.

Our question is: Are we required to let him know when Mom really starts going downhill or if something serious happens to her before then?

We’re both feeling like he’s lost that privilege, but it probably wouldn’t matter to him anyway, considering his behavior up to this point. Also, there is no chance of a reconciliation. He and his wife are incredibly self-centered people who think they are saints. – Simmering Sisters

Dear Simmering Sisters: I have no doubt that your brother and his wife are being selfish and think they are saints. But sometimes, when we point a finger at someone, there are three pointing back at us.

See if you and your sister have exhausted all vehicles of open dialogue and forgiveness with your brother. You only have one brother, and he is your family.

With that being said, no, you are not required to tell your brother if something goes wrong with your mom – but it is the right thing to do. She is still his mother, and if you have the heart and kindness to take care of her, then by all means, you should tell him.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.