Dear Annie 4/1

Dear Annie: I am about to turn 40 and want to take my family to London to celebrate. It’s a good time to go now that COVID is receding and my kids are teenagers. The whole family is excited about the trip.

However, my best friend told me that she wants to go on the trip with us. My original plan was just to have it be our family. But she is adamant about going and celebrating our forthcoming “big 4-0” birthdays together – mine this summer and hers in the fall.

It could be nice to have her there, but now she’s talking about bringing her whole family. Our kids are very different and aren’t friends. Worse, her husband is extremely annoying. He’s uncouth and a know-it-all, and my husband can’t stand him. I don’t want to go on vacation with him, let alone celebrate my special birthday with him.

I don’t know how to tell her that, at most, I would want only her to join us on what is supposed to be a family vacation. – The Concerned Traveler

Dear Concerned Traveler: It’s sweet of your friend to want to celebrate you and this milestone birthday, but she’s now put you in an awkward position by inviting herself, along with her whole family.

Your family’s trip to London was planned with purpose; it’s not a free-for-all. Make a boundary with your friend and offer an alternative. Suggest that the two of you take a trip sometime in between your birthdays to celebrate your 40ths together – no husbands, no kids – and keep your London trip on the books as planned. These conversations can feel uncomfortable in the moment, but in hindsight, you might consider it the best birthday gift to yourself.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.