Dear Annie 12/20
Dear Annie: I am a 25-year-old female, and I absolutely love the life I have built with my husband and our two kids. His family immediately accepted me from day one. The problem is my family.
They have tried their hardest to get me away from him. My husband and I have been together for six years. I have such mixed feelings about the holidays and birthdays – love and hate. I love them because his family is so wonderful to be around, and it keeps my mind off not being around my family. I hate the way my family treats my husband.
But at the end of the day, as I’m lying in bed, my mind starts racing, and I suddenly feel horrible that I’m not around the flesh and blood who raised me.
Yet they create so much drama, and they’re exhausting to be around. It’s always been like that; I can remember that drama ever since I was 5 years old. I don’t want drama in my life or, more importantly, in my kids’ lives. They deserve better than that. So my question is: Is there a way to rid myself of the horrible emotions I feel? – Indescribable Feeling of Sadness
Dear Indescribable Sadness: You did a wonderful job of explaining why you are feeling sad and conflicted. The love of your life and father of your children is not accepted by your biological family. That is really hard. I don’t blame you for not wanting the drama. But you also don’t want to throw the baby out with the bathwater – meaning that you never see your parents with your husband.
Maybe now that there are grandkids involved, your parents might put aside their objections to your husband. Try to have a real conversation with them in which you let them know, in no uncertain terms, no more drama during get-togethers. If they agree, hold them to their word. If they refuse to agree to minimize drama, then stop getting together during the holidays, and keep reminding yourself that this was their decision, not yours. That will ease your feelings of guilt, as would a good therapist if you decided to see one.
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