Dear Annie: I am having a real difficult time right now. My husband – of only five years – and I married quite quickly after we met. Before this, I was with a man for more than 20 years. He is the father of my children.
I was very unhappy in that relationship, and when I met my now husband, an affair started very quickly, and we were married within a year of our meeting. I never had the urge to marry my ex.
I am 48, and my husband is more than 10 years older than me. The problem is that shortly after we were married, he couldn’t perform anymore, and it has been five years of no sexual intercourse.
We even sought help from a doctor. I have spoken to him about this and how it makes me feel, and nothing has changed. I don’t know what else to do. I have put on weight and don’t look the same as I did when we married. I use food as a crutch because I’m depressed, but so does he.
I need help. I know sex is not the only important thing in a marriage, but to me it’s very important. To feel wanted and needed by my partner is a must. There are days when I just want to pack things up and never return. Please help me, as I’m lost on what to do. – Daydreaming
Dear Daydreaming: Ahead of everything else, you have to get treatment for your depression. Contact a therapist or life coach to help you get back to feeling like yourself. Once you do something for yourself, and not anyone else, you can gain some perspective on your marriage.
Your husband’s lack of intimacy is hurtful, and it is understandable that you are upset and sad. After you start to feel better about yourself, I would suggest marriage counseling to address this subject.
He clearly has a problem with marriage itself. Having an affair, he could perform, but after he was married, he went from being a stud to a dud.
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