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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Huckleberries Online

Best of Huckleberries Online (Feb. 7-11, 2005)

SR Photo: Susie and Colin Cross in 1995.

Susie Cross, whose doctor/hubby Colin died of cancer in 1999, collided with the federal bureaucracy this month. Seems the Post Falls widow got notice that daughter Zoe would lose her Social Security benefits in March when she turned 18. Only Zoe will be celebrating her 17th birthday next month. So, Susie visited the local SS office, with Zoe’s passport and a copy of her birth certificate. No good. SS rejected the passport, which contains Zoe’s birthday, and demanded an original birth certificate, which Susie doesn’t have. This, despite acknowledging that Susie’s son, Henry, turned 18 in November when he lost his benefits. In the eyes of the federales, Henry and Zoe were born five months apart. If that makes sense, you’re a bureaucrat.

A Look That Kills?
In the “Kids Say the Darndest Things” category, SReporter Taryn Brodwater was interviewing Athol Elementary small fry about that lunchroom blab-o-meter – you know the color alarm that warns children when they’re being too noisy. In the process, Taryn heard this exchange between two tykes: Girl: "Whenever one of the ’duties’ looks at it, it stops." Boy: "It’s like they have contact lenses ..." Girl: "... With remote controls in them." Boy: “Yeah.” (Huckleberries: And deadly lasers that can fry your brains if you keep talking. Seriously. Remember Jimmy? He isn't sick. He had his brains fried.)

This ‘N That
“Because I still believe in him, the Go 2 Guy refuses to find irony in the fact that Ryan Leaf (pictured) is enrolled this semester in a sports management class at Washington State called ‘Media Relations’” -- pro-WSU columnist Jim Moore/PI here … If you want to know what happens when a C section goes wrong, ask the guy at the Coeur d’Alene Press last week who was responsible for leaving 7,000 C sections out of the Wednesday paper. Taps anyone? … Compelling reason for the Repubs’ staging a closed caucus to discuss the budget last week, according to our Eye on Boise? Newer Repub solons would feel more comfortable asking “a dumb question” if the public wasn’t watching. Your Idaho gummint at work.

Poet’s Corner
“Beyond our dark midnight,/bright Light may there be:/ ‘Suffer the little children/to come unto Me’” – The Bard of Sherman Avenue (“Lost Child”). My friend, The Bard, wrote that last Wednesday in honor of a daughter, Amanda, that my wife and I lost at child birth 21 years ago. You can also read “A Kiss for Amanda,” which I wrote that horrible week.

Huckleberries
“Is it the 34th?” –- customer at Post Falls Super One asking the clerk for the date, within hearing of Post Falls Uncensored … It’s my 2 Cents: Forget porn star Ron Jeremy. If EWU officials wanted to do impressionable students a favor, they’d invite Will and Foxy Lorenz to speak on campus. The Lorenzes, who joined other couples on the South Hill in celebrating 60-plus years of marriage, have forgotten more about real love than Jeremy will ever know … No, Milt Nelson/Hidden Valley, the King County Election Department didn’t send an envoy to help with that Iraqi recount, hoping to find more Christine Gregoire votes. Seems they have found, ahem, enough votes already … (For depressed D’s, Huckleberries Online has a link to a clock that shows how much time Dubya has left in the office, which as of Sunday night was 1,435 days, 21 hours, 39 minutes and 30 seconds.)

Parting Shot
Bob Salsbury of Spokane Valley/The Unbearable Bobness of Being blog has revamped the Idaho Driver’s Test into two simple questions, including this written portion: “Upon approaching a road killed elk in your lane, do you: a. Yield to oncoming traffic and pass carefully, b. Stop and throw that sucker in the back of the truck! Kids are eating meat this week! c. Dig around for your cellphone to call IDOT to alert them of the hazard.” If you don’t know the answer, you’re not an Idahoan.



Huckleberries Online

D.F. Oliveria started Huckleberries Online on Feb. 16, 2004. Oliveria's Sunday print Huckleberries is a past winner of the national Herb Caen Memorial Column contest.